looking back, looking ahead.

well, its that time of year again. actually I'm probably a little late on this, but now is when I'm finally getting around to find time to reflect on the past year - to see the good, the bad, the frustrating, and the awesome. time to think ahead to the fresh year laid out in front of us, and make up some thoughts and goals about what we think the days ahead of us will hold and how they will go. it all seems a little arbitrary, but there's still something comforting about the process. so here goes:

in 2015, i wanted to... ...finish the kitchen renovation with sanity and grace. this is big and exciting and a huge blessing. i want to keep that in mind rather than just freaking out over all the details.

wow. this seems like it was SO long ago. last year, we were deep in the trenches of this massive renovation. this year, we have been enjoying the finished product for 9 months and it already feels like our house has been this way forever. as for my attitude during the process? I think I did ok. i don't remember yelling at any contractors. I do remember feeling overwhelmed by just how awesome and nice everything was, and pleased by all of the guys who worked to make it happen.
calling this a win.

...feel good in my skin. whether i lose some weight, clear up my face, grow my hair out, or just shift my personal perception of myself, i just want to feel better.

still growing my hair out. haven't weighed myself all year. got rid of some 'fat' clothes. simplified my closet. still working on that whole 'clear up my face' thing, and i still have overly emotional days when everything is just the worst, but overall i feel pretty good about where I'm at. win.


...focus on intentionally healthy choices: walk. eat salads. less sugar-bomb snacks. more jazzercise.

a bit of a roller coaster on this one. i think there are only so many salads a person can handle before you just need to sit down with a bag of Hershey's kisses and just eat the whole thing. still love jazzercise though. half-win.


...be more organized. this includes previous years goals of closing my extraneous bank account, starting the big book of everything, budgeting, finishing up some half-done projects, and hopefully just generally feeling more like a responsible adult.

ha. hahahahahahaha. nope. I'm just as big a mess as ever. but I'm starting to realize that most other people don't quite have it all together either, and if i remember that everyone else is just guessing too, then i don't have to be as disappointed in myself. just keep swimming.


...host parties. i'm going to have such a nice new kitchen, it would be a shame not to share it with people i love.

this year we hosted my birthday, Mothers Day, had our community group over every week, did Christmas with friends, game night with coworkers, and even threw a last-minute New Years Eve party. not too shabby.

...spend time outside. sunshine is the best. and not much beats that wonderful exhausted feeling after a long day spent working or playing outside. i'd like to do more of that this year.

good not great. i think? i definitely was outside this year: i hunted a lot of waterfalls, hiked in different places, soaked up the sunshine and have the pictures to prove it. but i know i also spent plenty of time inside. since i don't really have a way to quantify this one, I'm going to go ahead and give myself the benefit of the doubt and call it a win.

...get pregnant. this is something i dont really talk about much, because it is extremely personal and because i dont want anyone asking me "how's it going? *winkwinknudgegiggle*" ugh. awkward. no thanks. so why put it on the list? because i've been pretty singularly focused on it for the past 10 months but haven't let myself talk about it much, and it just feels good to put it in writing.

nope. moving on.


...take pictures. because i want to be able to look back someday and remember my everyday life, along with the big events.

i definitely took a lot of pictures this year. i also spent a lot of time really enjoying just being with people i love instead of attempting to just document that time. this is a weird one to try and strike a balance, but I'm feeling ok with it. win.


...go to the beach. i just love it.

spent a week at the Outer Banks in August. and it was lovely. win.

...have fun. smile. laugh. relax. be silly. just fun.

so many good moments this year. plenty of laughter. so much fun. win.

my gut-reaction to 2015 was that it was a tough year. there were a lot of tears this year, and loss, and disappointments.  but looking at these goals i made last January and seeing how many wins are on this list (7 out of 10 what!!) well, its just a nice reminder that along with the less-than pleasant moments is always sprinkled in plenty of joy and grace and goodness. they always go hand-in-hand, because you can't really appreciate one without the other. if everything is good, then nothing is. or something like that.

well, this post is already super long, and i don't really feel a great need to do too much looking ahead at this particular moment, so let's just save that for a separate post. okay? okay.

non-resolution redux.

so. apparently we're already half-way through January.

Happy New Year, y'all!

according to popular conventions, by this point in the year i should have already done a sweeping, overarching review of 2014, committed to several large goals for the year to come, and probably already failed half of them. but i have done none of that. instead, i am spending this week frantically finishing all of the Christmas presents that i put off crafting until the very last minute in preparation for a giant Christmas/Birthday extravaganza with my whole extended family this weekend.  so while i have managed to extend the holiday spirit long past most of the rest of the world, i have not transitioned into the new year mindset quite yet.

BUT since I have a ton of different and exciting things rattling around in my brain that i dont want to not share, here is my best attempt at thinking through some things i would like to do and accomplish and be in the upcoming year (which is already 4% over. way to be ahead of the game, Mando.)

first of all, my goals for this past year; 14 for '14 and one to grow on:
(my comments in italics)

1. curtains. well, we had curtains made for the front room and dining room. they turned out to be all different lengths and i kind of hated them. and now we're rearranging all the windows so they'll probably end up being useless, but at least they happened. half-win on this one.
2. read at least 3 non-fiction books. read one for sure. finished a couple fiction books too. most recently started The Story and am on Chapter 6 i think. half-win on this one.
3. have pretty flowerbeds. Mark did get rid of the ugly tree on the front corner of the house, but left that bed full of weeds. he also tore up the side bed by the driveway during the great downspout extravaganza of 2014 but we haven't re-mulched it yet. i planted zero things. fail.
4. budget. haven't quite found a plan that has stuck long-term yet. but we're not broke so, win!
5. ride my bike. twice, i think. win!
6. read through my Bible. i recently started reading The Story. kind of like the Bible, abridged. half-win.
7. close my other bank account. not this year. this is just pathetic. fail.
8. big book of everything. good in theory, but never quite got it started. fail
9. pass the PE. DONE. PASSED! HAVE THE LICENSE TO PROVE IT. WIN WIN WIN!!!
10. overcome my fear of the lawnmower.  helped mow the grass once. that's about it. fail.
11. run. bought new shoes. decided running probably just isn't for me. counting it as a half-win.
12. sew a cushion for the entryway bench. still currently sitting 3/4 of the way done in the basement. have spent the past 6 months trying to work up the energy to finish the stupid thing. half-win.
13. get the air ducts cleaned. UGH. stupid air duct guy never showed up for our appointment. so i gave up and decided it wasn't that important to me. fail.
14. yoga. bought a new yoga DVD. did it twice. win?
15. start the kitchen renovation. of all the things on this list that i figured wouldn't happen this year, this is the one we actually did! cabinets and appliances are ordered, demolition is pretty much done, and rebuilding has already started. if all goes well, we should have a brand new space by spring! win!

well, that's a whopping 7.5 out of 15. this is my least favorite thing about goals: looking back on them and realizing how hard i failed at some of the simplest things. i did some BIG things this year professionally and house-wise that i am proud of, so why does having un-done things on my list get me so down? why set goals at all if not accomplishing them just makes me sad? padding my yearly list with fluff isn't going to do me any favors, but seriously - where is the balance between stretching yourself and setting yourself up for disappointment?

and yet, i still see the value in setting goals, and starting a new year fresh. everything is so full of possibility at the beginning of a whole new year, (or 96% of a new year in this case)  and i really do want each year to be the best year yet. i'm pretty sure the point of goal-setting to stretch your own boundaries and inspire personal growth, so i'm not giving up on the whole thing just yet.

in 2015, i would like to...

...finish the kitchen renovation with sanity and grace. this is big and exciting and a huge blessing. i want to keep that in mind rather than just freaking out over all the details.
...feel good in my skin. whether i lose some weight, clear up my face, grow my hair out, or just shift my personal perception of myself, i just want to feel better.
...focus on intentionally healthy choices: walk. eat salads. less sugar-bomb snacks. more jazzercise.
...be more organized. this includes previous years goals of closing my extraneous bank account, starting the big book of everything, budgeting, finishing up some half-done projecs, and hopefully just generally feeling more like a responsible adult.
...host parties. i'm going to have such a nice new kitchen, it would be a shame not to share it with people i love.
...spend time outside. sunshine is the best. and not much beats that wonderful exhausted feeling after a long day spent working or playing outside. i'd like to do more of that this year.
...get pregnant. this is something i dont really talk about much, because it is extremely personal and because i dont want anyone asking me "how's it going? *winkwinknudgegiggle*" ugh. awkward. no thanks. so why put it on the list? because i've been pretty singularly focused on it for the past 10 months but haven't let myself talk about it much, and it just feels good to put it in writing.
...take pictures. because i want to be able to look back someday and remember my everyday life, along with the big events.
...go to the beach. i just love it.
...have fun. smile. laugh. relax. be silly. just fun.

so there. i feel good about this list. it's probably not all-inclusive of everything that this year will bring, and of course is completely subject to change because who knows what God has planned for us, and i will still likely feel like i have failed at a lot of it come this time next year because that's just how i do. but if i manage to cross off even just a couple things on this list, i think i will feel good about that.

here we go. headlong into the remaining 96% of the year. let's do this.

six months in.

its about time for a mid-year checkup on my non-resolutions. so let's take a look at how i'm doing so far this year! (my comments are in italics.)

carry-overs from years past:

1. curtains. real curtains. really on my windows. i can do this.
2. read at least 3 non-fiction books. started my first one last night.
    read one so far. currently in the middle of The Kite Runner, which is
    technically fiction.
3. have pretty flowerbeds. a little tree removal, a little mulching, and then (hopefully) planting a lot of flowers.
4. budget. and then stick to it.
5. ride my bike. i don't think it got out of the shed at all last year.
6. read through my Bible. or maybe listen through it?
7. close my other bank account. this is just pathetic.
8. big book of everything. i have lost one too many passwords. time to get organized.

i am beginning to think none of these things are EVER going to happen. they have just been sitting on lists, patiently waiting for YEARS for me to care enough to actually carry through with them. maybe i'll get around to at least some of them sometime in the next 6 months or so.

new for this year:

9. pass the PE. and feel no guilt for basically disappearing for the next 4 months while i study.
    DONE. PASSED! HAVE THE LICENSE TO PROVE IT.
10. overcome my fear of the lawnmower. we got a riding lawn tractor. i want to be able to use it.
     part way there. helped mow the grass over the weekend. which means
    Mark left me a big solid square in the backyard for me to practice on.
    next step: practicing all the hard parts like not hitting trees or the deck
    or the well.
11. run. i think new shoes are in order.
    bought the shoes...
12. sew a cushion for the entryway bench. top of the sewing list.
    currently sitting 3/4 of the way done in the basement. and then it just
    got too nice outside to spend all of my project time inside with my
    sewing machine.
13. get the air ducts cleaned. this should just take a phone call.
    UGH. stupid air duct guy never showed up for our appointment.
14. yoga. just because.
    bought a new yoga DVD. did it once so far.
15. start the kitchen renovation. it's the next major project on the major project list. kind of a long shot, but we'll see.
    have a meeting with the cabinet guy in a few weeks to hopefully
    nail down a layout!

well. i was fully expecting that to be much worse. but i guess i did spend 4 out of the past 6 months working almost exclusively on number 9, so if you think about it that way its kind of impressive that i've managed to successfully start so many things in just two months... yeah, i'mma go ahead and think about it that way. i'm awesome.

last day of twenty six.

flashback to my plans for the year of 26:

embrace imperfect. live. laugh. plan more. plan less. focus on family. relax. and enjoy. focus on friends. read. craft. create. be present. seek joy. share love. play. smile.

be gracious. accept grace. have fun.

 

apparently i had some pretty good goals for this past year, and i really can't believe that a whole year has passed since i wrote that - time has absolutely flown by! although time has also kind of crawled, at least for the past few months. i feel like its been years since i ever did anything other than read textbooks and work through example problems. (Tminus 21 days and counting!) but i like to think that my year as a whole was pretty full of all of the things i hoped it would be a year ago - time with friends, time with family, lots of fun. i dont really think i can ask for much more than that.

 

tomorrow is the start of twenty-seven. deep breath. here goes.

 

 

2014 non-resolutions.

is it true that the way you spend your New Years is the way you will spend the rest of the year?

for the sake of the rest of my year, i really hope this isn't true. because on my New Years, we left the party around 11 because we are old and lame and i was exhausted and there were harsh words and tears followed by several days of lingering frustration and other various emotions. not exactly an encouraging start for an entire year.

but we did go see Frozen on New Years, which was awesome, so I guess there's hope for the next 358 days.

this year, i want to survive. be happier. be a better adult. i don't know. enjoy? and maybe accomplish a few things while i'm at it? so i shortened up my non-resolution list for this year, to hopefully focus more on the bigger goals that have been languishing un-done on previous lists.

carry-overs from years past:

1. curtains. real curtains. really on my windows. i can do this.
2. read at least 3 non-fiction books. started my first one last night.
3. have pretty flowerbeds. a little tree removal, a little mulching, and then (hopefully) planting a lot of flowers.
4. budget. and then stick to it.
5. ride my bike. i don't think it got out of the shed at all last year.
6. read through my Bible. or maybe listen through it?
7. close my other bank account. this is just pathetic.
8. big book of everything. i have lost one too many passwords. time to get organized.

new for this year:

9. pass the PE. and feel no guilt for basically disappearing for the next 4 months while i study.
10. overcome my fear of the lawnmower. we got a riding lawn tractor. i want to be able to use it.
11. run. i think new shoes are in order.
12. sew a cushion for the entryway bench. top of the sewing list.
13. get the air ducts cleaned. this should just take a phone call.
14. yoga. just because.
15. start the kitchen renovation. it's the next major project on the major project list. kind of a long shot, but we'll see.

obviously there are other things i want to do this year that aren't on this list; like spend quality time with friends and family, and keep making my marriage a priority, and big overarching ideas and areas in which i would like to focus and improve like being a better adult-type person. but for right now, i need my list to be shorter, simpler, and full of things that i can legitimately accomplish and eventually cross off. so here we go.

2013 non-resolution review.

well, 'tis the season for self-reflection and grandiose goals. so let's have a little look-see at how well i managed to do with this year's non-resolutions:

run a 5k. did the Color Run this fall. ran the whole thing. so much fun.

have pretty flower beds. we mulched a lot. i planted two little bushes, and zero flowers. we're heading in the right direction.

finish reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy & watch the movies with the hubs. done. also watched the second installment of the Hobbit.

go skiing. did it. loved it. hoping to go again this winter.

get real curtains on my windows. kind of. there are placeholder curtains in the fireplace room. there are curtains in my dining room and front room. they are all different lengths. i don't know how that happened.

have regular personal time with God. whoops.

ride my bike. a lot. whoops again.

maintain my weight. i think i did reasonably well with this. haven't actually weighed myself to compare, but i'm happy with my body right now.

finish Mansfield Park. haha nope.

read more non-fiction books. eh, not so much. i actually think all the books i've read this year have been fiction, and i just started the Divergent series so...yeah no.

clean out my closet. i did that once. it could probably use another go round...

make my marriage a priority. we did date nights pretty regularly this year. i feel like we are in a good place right now. i also feel like there is always room for improvement in this area.

go to the dentist. did it. twice. going back again this week for fillings. fun.

close my other bank account. ugh. nope.

put new music on my iPod. nope.

go to Wyoming. labor day camping weekend for the win!

apply for the PE exam. applied. application accepted. have to sign up for the review class. this is going to happen.

organize the craft corner. did it. love it. have actually managed to keep it pretty clean.

do a pull up. hahahahahahaha nope.

take more pictures of me and Mark together. there is definitely room for improvement on this one. lots of improvement.

finish Mark's quilt. done.

get a sewing machine. yes! Merry Christmas to me from Mark!

go to the beach. twice. love it.

split the guest room back into two. not even close. got a lodger in the basement instead.

implement a new budget. nope. maybe next year.

try at least one new healthy recipe per month. i think i tried a few new recipes this year. we also tried a whole new meal planning system for a few months. and if you count juice recipes we've tried over the past few weeks, i might have accumulated 12 over the year. i'm giving myself partial credit on this one.

so with a grand total of 14.5 items out of 26, (i was generous with my half-credits, ok?) i completed 56% of my non-resolutions for this year. if i ever got that kind of a grade in school (high school or even college) i would be ashamed of myself. but surprisingly, i feel pretty good about this past year; what i accomplished, what i made some progress on, and what i can carry over into next year.

fingers crossed i can take some time this week to spend some time looking forward to the new year before it gets here...

another non-resolution down.

go to the dentist.

taken right outside the dentist's office.

done and crossed off the list. i'm kind of embarrased to say it had been at least 4 years since my last visit to the dentist. but what with graduating college and moving several times over the past few years, "find a dentist and go there" was one of those things that always got pushed to the bottom of my to-do list and therefore just never got done. until tuesday. when i went to the dentist. the same dentist that my husband has always gone to. (although he has also been slacking on his visits as of late)(his appointment is next week) the dentist was nice. he took an extensive inventory of my existing fillings, cleaned my teeth, and told me to floss every day. and by some sort of magic or miracle, i have developed ZERO cavities over the past 4 years!

this makes 5 of my 26 non-resolutions that have been completed. we are 135 days into the year. 19% complete in 37% of the year. maybe i should have declared easier non-resolutions...

check out the rest of my non-resolutions here

this is my year.

i told you a couple weeks ago that i had a lot of thoughts about my birthday, and not a lot of time in which to write them all down. so this post for the past few weeks has been a work in progress for me - a place to try and sort through my thoughts a little bit at a time, whenever i had 15 or 5 or 2 minutes to spare.

i started writing a different post right before i left for birthday weekend. i only ever got as far as the title: "so tell me what i want, what i really really want." i had every intention of it being a deep self-reflective piece that would plunge into the depths of my inner mess and straighten out my jumbled up brain space into a coherant declaration of the really important things that were my truest desires. and then that didn't quite happen.

instead, i took a vacation day and headed to Pittsburgh to celebrate birthday weekend with my sister and my BFITW and her sister and whoever else we could rope into our shenanigans. and over the course of birthday weekend, i had an epiphany of sorts: i was really having fun, and i was hanging out with people who were really having fun, and it was all just a lot of really fun FUN. there was no stress. there were no tears (not even when we were driving dahntahn!). there was no worry. it felt awesome. and i realized just how much i missed that.

i realized that i have spent the last few years being kind of bogged down by life. i got caught up in the seriousness of everything - what with graduating college, landing a job, getting married, buying a house, fixing up said house, making dinner every night, keeping up with dishes and laundry, and just generally attempting to perfect my all-grown-up-and-responsible persona. i wanted my life to be perfect, i was trying really hard to achieve that, and i felt bad anytime i thought i was failing even just a little bit.

stress at work followed me home and turned into pointless stress-fights with the hubs. spending time on new projects meant saying no to spending time with friends. piles of laundry meant i was failing at life. 5 minutes spent on pinterest was all i could take before i became aware of just how much i wasn't doing right.

and i forgot. i forgot about spontaneous luau's. playing outside all afternoon. giggles. wacky tennis ball catch in the parking lot. living with a complete lack of self consciousness. the simple joy of balloons. the calming effect of that little jingle at the beginning of an episode of Gilmore Girls. so many simple little things that bring me great joy.

maybe its a little bit of wisdom coming with age. maybe its wistful nostalgia for a past that i can never get back. maybe it was just finally getting a taste of sunshine and warmer weather. but i have a better handle on what i want now. an idea of what i want to do and who i want to be and how i want to live.

 embrace imperfect. live. laugh. plan more. plan less. focus on family. relax. and enjoy. focus on friends. read. craft. create. be present. seek joy. share love. play. smile.

be gracious. accept grace. have fun.

this is not to say that i am going to become irresponsible an unserious - because the laundry and dishes arent going to do themselves - but i am learning that there is a place for both in my life. so these are my goals for this year. for my 26th year. this is my year.

i'm already off to a great start: may this be the best year yet.

a new year of non-resolutions.

well, here we are in a brand new year. brand-spankin'-new. nothing on the calendar but pure, unadulturated potential. this year could be anything and everything. i am so excited.

source

it turns out i really liked the way i handled resolutions last year: as non-resolutions. just a list of random things that i thought i might like to do. so i made a new list for this year. since this is the year that will go down in history as the one in which i turned the big two-six, there are twenty-six things on my list. these are not the only things that i hope to do in 2013, but they are the first ones that popped in my head and got written down.

several of the items on this year's list are leftovers from last year's list that didn't get done in 2012, but are things that i would still like to do. some are big and will take all year. some are smaller and should be pretty simple. i could probably sort them into categories like personal, professional, home, and health. or take time to prioritize them and put them in some sort of order. but i'm not going to. so here they are all a-jumble: just the way i like them. 

run a 5k. have pretty flower beds. finish reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy & watch the movies with the hubs. go skiing. get real curtains on my windows. have regular personal time with God. ride my bike. a lot. maintain my weight. finish Mansfield Park. read more non-fiction books. clean out my closet. make my marriage a priority. go to the dentist. close my other bank account. put new music on my iPod. go to Wyoming. apply for the PE exam. organize the craft corner. do a pull up. take more pictures of me and Mark together. finish Mark's quilt. get a sewing machine. go to the beach. split the guest room back into two. implement a new budget. try at least one new healthy recipe per month.

so here we go - new year, new list, all awesome.

non-resolution review.

so here we are: the end of another year. a year that has been full of adventures and projects and family and happiness. a year where i tried to let go a little bit of my ridiculous quest for my own skewed perception of perfection, the idea i have in my head of what life should look like at 25. instead i made more of an effort to embrace a little bit more of the crazy, and the reality of what my life does look like at 25. and i think it looks pretty good.

this was also the year of non-resolutions: a list i made back in January of postive, attainable things that i wanted to do this year. i wrote this list as an attempt to help myself crawl out of a mid-winter funk last year. there was no pressure associated with any of the things on the list: no expiration dates, no guilt, no obsessive tracking of my progress throughout the year.
(just one halfway point check-up in june)

 so, how did i do? let's check it out: 

• make a reasonable meal plan. with the exception of a few weeks here and there, Meal Plan Mondays lasted all year!
• paint the front door. done here! still loving the turquoise, but the spraypainted hardware is starting to show some chippage.
• run a 5K. nope. not this year. (but i have a couple in mind for next year if i can get the hubs on board)
• go to Europe. been there, done that.
• enjoy that trip thoroughly. ohmygoodness yes! and i would go back in a heartbeat.
• bring home at least one good souvenir. we picked up our Christmas ornaments for this year, and also managed to find good stuff for a few other people too.
• feel good about myself in a bathing suit. sadly, i started my fitness kick well after bathing suit season this year... but i have lost a few pounds and a couple inches this fall/winter, and i'm feeling the best i have in a while. so better late than never, right?
• sit-ups. three times a week during p90x.
• clean the front porch. its dirty again already, but i did clean it.
• have pretty flower beds. hahahahahahanope.
• shower with the door closed.  new fan in the master bath, and guest bath completely overhauled. this was a major win for this year.
• read the Lord of the Rings trilogy. lets say 25%. i read the Hobbit. and i've started the Fellowship. i'm on chapter 2.
• then watch the movies. since i read the Hobbit, i went to see the first installment in theaters. 1 out of 6 aint bad, especially since 2 of them dont even exist yet!
• paint and organize my kitchen. i feel like this was done forever ago! hard to believe it was just this year...
• invite more people to our house. we've had more house guests and dinner guests this year than ever before. now i just have to remember to get them all to sign the guest book when they come!
• smile. pretty much every day!
• make curtains for all my naked windows. this stalled around 30% complete. there are curtains on the windows, but not the pretty patterned ones i had in mind.
• clean regularly. define "regularly." ok so i dont have a cleaning system or schedule in place, but we're not living in filth and squalor over here either.
• use my crockpot. recently i think i've been averaging about one crock pot meal a week!
• read through my bible. ummm...7%? i started a reading plan. and then i stopped.
• run. nope. not really. i went on a few runs this year, but i wouldnt describe this year as "the year i ran" or anything like that.
• dismantle the mountain-o-junk in the basement. dismantled, distributed, and reorganized.
• decorate for seasons other than Christmas. yes? i did a little bit for fall. that's about it.
• yard sale. i'm happy with the little bit of yard-sailing i did this year. quality over quantity. 
• read a book by Jane Austin Austen. approx 40%. i started reading Mansfield Park. and i watched the movie Emma. if i would have known either 1. how long of a book Mansfield Park is, or 2. that i was going to be watching Emma, i would have picked a different Jane Austen book.
• hang things on the walls. mirrors, paintings, frames, and diplomas oh my!
• build something. i built the shelves and the towel hooks in the bathroom all by myself.
• laugh. as much as possible.
• organize the office. this went hand in hand with dismantling the mountain-o-junk.
• carve a jack-o-lantern. arguably some of our best carvings to date!
• buy pants that fit and make me feel fantastic. i had one amazing pair of jeans. and then i lost weight and they got a little loose. i have since procured a new pair of work pants, and a pair of red skinny jeans that i feel pretty awesome in. but i have a feeling the journey towards the elusive perfect pair of pants is never-ending.
• clean out my closet. i thought maybe a post-Christmas closet purge would happen. and then it didnt.
• put new music on my iPod. i did move my music from my old laptop to the new computer and reshuffled my iPod with some different songs, but nothing that i would describe as being particularly new. 
• be a good friend. i dont really know that there's a way to quantify this...but i like to think i at least did pretty ok with it.
• quilt our old t-shirts. 98% done with Mark's quilt. still have to finish tacking it all together. debating on whether or not to start one for me.
• close my other bank account. this one seems like it would be so easy... and yet here it is, still on the list and undone.
• hit 'play all' on abs and buns of steel and not want to die. i havent actually tried it yet, but with all the p90x craziness i've put myself through i like to believe that this is a real possibility. i will definitely be testing this hypothesis post-p90x.
• go to the dentist. another easy one that just didnt quite happen.
• give more homemade gifts. this year i gifted some homemade mason jar soap dispensers, and a bunch of handpainted stuff: a recipe box, wooden signs, coffee mugs, and an actual painting on canvas.
• play outside. not very much, mind you, but at the very least we played some catch, so i'm crossing this one off even though we could have done better.
• ride my bike. a few times around the neighborhood. and successfully completed this year's tour du bridge/tunnel.
• the big book of everything. i printed everything out and put it all in its own binder. but i didnt actually fill out any of the pages.
• go to a baseball game. i went to 2 O's games this season, watched a zillion of them on tv, and got sucked in to the point that i even bought postseason tickets for a game that didnt end up happening. i also made it to 2 or 3 of Mark's softball games. it was a good year for baseball.
• swim. i floated around the in-laws pool a couple times, but i dont think that quite counts as swimming.
• paint something little. i know i had Stasi's shoes in mind when i put this on the list back in January. it only took me until September to get them done.
• have fun. yes.oh so much yes.

by the numbers:
    46 - number of items/activities on the list.
    63 - percent of things on the list that got completely crossed off.
    89 - percent that i at least started even if they didnt all get done.
    11 - percent of things on the list that just didnt happen.
     0 - regrets.

wow. it is kind of mind-blowing to look through this list and just be struck by how abundantly blessed we have been this year. we have good jobs. time and resources to travel. good health. great friends. a comfortable house. loving families. the ability to relax. and we have each other. it started as just a checklist of sorts, but its pretty fun to see both big and small blessings show through this little experiment in goal-setting.

i'm thinking i might do something similar for 2013. but as of this moment, there are still a couple days left of 2012 and i intend to enjoy every single day that i am blessed with as much as i possibly can.

i'm going to do something crazy.

anyone remember way back in january when i made my list of non-resolutions? no? ok, how about just remembering back to the end of June when i checked up on my progress so far?  still no? so i guess you expect me to just tell you where i'm going with this? ok fine.

one of my non-resolutions for this year (and beyond... remember, no deadlines for these) was to feel good about myself in a bathing suit. but to be honest, i didnt quite get there this summer. not really even close. zero progress on this goal so far. but the sad reality of my summer was that i was hardly in my bathing suit at all. i think i spent a grand total of one day at the beach, and i could count on one hand the number of times i went swimming. seriously people... where did summer go? now there's football on tv and a chill in the air. not exactly bathing suit season anymore.

but i'm not going to let that stop me from working on this particular goal. and unlike my crazy idea to run the rebel race with no training, Mark is totally on board with this plan. in fact, it was kind of his idea. (not because he thinks i'm fat, he is more than happy with how i look, but he also understands that I want to be happy with how i look too) which is why this showed up in our mailbox yesterday:

not gonna lie - now that these DVDs are actually in my house and not just floating around my brainspace as a theoretical maybe someday sort of thought, its a little bit intimidating. this is going to happen. its going to be hard, i just know it is. i am going to want to quit. a lot. which is why i'm putting it out there on the internet: we are doing this. i might even do weekly updates to keep myself motivated along the way, because 90 days is kind of a long time to stick with something hard like this. wish me luck. here goes nothing.

my husband made me take this picture.

i'm slipping as a blogger folks. it hadnt even occured to me that i should be taking process shots of finishing up the front door hardware until i had already sprayed at least two coats of spraypaint. in fact, i still didnt take one until Mark came outside to check on me and said, "make sure you get a picture of that, because its awesome."

and then, it took me over a week to take a final here's-what'our-front-door-looks-like-now shot. so, here's what our front door looks like now - beautiful turquoise with lovely matching hardware, flanked by slowly dying flowers. and Ted.

paint the front door. cross it off the list!

and the winner is...

...TURQUOISE!!!

so here's how the whole "let's pick a paint color" really went. i didnt actually end up just winging it in the paint aisle of home depot and picking a color at random. which is probably a good thing, because when i stopped by there real quick-like on Friday afternoon because it was kind of only a little bit out of my way of my route home, i realized that there are a LOT of shades of blue out there. so i brought home a few swatches.

(ok, so maybe more like ALL of the swatches)

i managed to narrow my selection down to two: one navy, and one turquoise. one that Mark liked better, and one that i liked better. and then i tried to decide which one i liked best for the outside of the front door by taping them on the inside of the door in the dimly lit front room at 10:30pm. i do not recommend this method. at all.

so on Saturday morning i real-quick moved the swatches to the outside of the door to look at them in real sunlight. and i liked them both. sigh. but since i was determined to paint the door and i had a bunch of other errands to run, i taped them to the dashboard of my car and took them with me, hoping that by staring them as i drove i would make a decision before i got to the Depot.

i didnt make my final decision until the very last second. as in, i asked everyone at the paint counter for their votes. the one other guy who was buying paint voted for the navy. the one paint lady kept her mouth shut and mumbled something about it being a personal decision. the other paint lady told me the turquoise was kicky. and i liked that description of it. so i went for it.

ALSO, since i had to take the hardware off the door anyway, i impulsively decided to paint it too, with a couple coats of Oil Rubbed Bronze spray paint.

the only bad news of the day is that i kind of hate the hardware now even more than i hated it when it was all nasty and chipped gold. its just too dark, at least for the handle and lock that are on the inside of the door. i think i might have to repaint them a nickel color instead. or just buy new ones.

but let's focus on the good news: my front door is kicky and BEAUTIFUL!!! 

(even if the hardware is still mismatched right now because i couldnt get the door knocker off the door so its still gold but i want to give the paint plenty of time to dry before i tape and cover it to spray the door knocker but i dont even know if i'm going to do that yet because i might end up repainting the lock and knob anyway and now i kind of regret that i painted them in the first place and UGH how can one person be so impulsive and so indecisive all at the same time?!?)

i've got the blues.

i case you havent been to my house in a while, this is what my front door looks like. well, actually this picture is a few weeks old so use your imagination to add some peachy-orange impatiens in the two white pots and then thats what my front door really looks like right this second.

kind of blah, huh? and you cant even see the chipped paint or just how nasty those rusty brass fixtures really are. not exactly the greatest first impression. so i want to paint my front door. i want to paint it blue. and i want to paint it on Saturday.

my problem is, i dont know what color blue i want to paint it. and i am impatient, so there is no time for long involved processes like getting swatches, taping them to the door, and looking at them several times a day in different lighting to see which one i like the best before i buy the paint. not gonna happen. basically, my plan is to wake up on Saturday, go to the Depot, and buy a quart of blue paint in whatever shade looks best under the flourescent store lighting. seems pretty foolproof to me.

but just as backup in case that particular method steers me wrong, i figured i would get all your opinions too. you know, since everyone on the internet is known for their intelligence, level-headedness, and good opinions and advice.

here's what you have to choose from:
Option 1: navy blue.

source 

Option 2: electric blue.

source 

Option 3: royal blue.

source 

Option 4: turquoise.

source 

Option 5: beachy blue-green.

source 

Option 6: denim blue.

source

 so i ask you: which one do you like best for my front door? or, you know, you could always submit your own inpiration picture for consideration, but just keep in mind the timeframe here and my already limited capacity for decison making, and the fact that now i have to make a trip to the jewelers this weekend too and that's going to cut into my paint-color-choosing time at the Depot, so really maybe you should just keep any extra color options to yourself and just pick from the wide variety of options i so thoughtfully provided for you m'kay?

better late than never.

this week, Mark hung another thing on the wall. in the basement this time. does anyone recognize it or know what it is?

no idea why everything looks crooked. its like a fun house!  

my amazing brother-in-law Micah built this dart board cabinet for Mark, to class up the dart board that we inherited with the house. isnt it beautiful? he's one talented guy, that Micah.

and just in case you cant see the details from far away, check out these way cool door pulls - those are actual darts that were welded onto threaded posts to attach them to the doors. love them!

so... did i mention that Micah gave this to Mark as a present two Christmases ago? yeah. we feel a little bad that it took us so long to get it together... but now its all hung and level and ready to play! we're probably going to need a bit of practice though... Mark has put one hole in the cabinet already.

check up.

i can't believe that its the end of June. 2012 is halfway over already! so i guess that means its probably as good a time as any to take a quick look back at how i'm doing with all those non-resolutions that i declared back in January.

this list is in no particular order, since i originally made it stream-of-consciousness style, just typing stuff as i thought of it. i haven't added anything, or taken anything off the list. all i did was copy and paste it from this post, and put it into a bulleted list for easier reading. it probably goes without saying, but anything that has been crossed off is something that i have done. the ones that have a comment but are not yet crossed off are things that i have started but i do not yet feel as though they are complete for one reason or another. and all the rest? well, i've still got plenty of time to get around to those, since there really isnt an expiration date on this list.

so without further ado...

• make a reasonable meal plan. Meal Plan Mondays seem to have stuck pretty well so far...
• paint the front door.
• run a 5K.
• go to Europe. been there, done that.
• enjoy that trip thoroughly. ohmygoodness yes! and i would go back in a heartbeat.
• bring home at least one good souvenir. i never told you about them, but we picked up our Christmas ornaments for this year, and also managed to find something good for a bunch of other people too.
• feel good about myself in a bathing suit.
• sit-ups.
• clean the front porch. its dirty again already, but i did clean it.
• have pretty flower beds.
• shower with the door closed.  we still need to install a fan in the guest bathroom though.
• read the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
• then watch the movies.
• paint and organize my kitchen.
• invite more people to our house. this one's kind of a work in progress.
• smile. pretty much every day!
• make curtains for all my naked windows. we'll call this one 30% complete.
• clean regularly.
• use my crockpot. i still dont think i'm using this to its full potential.
• read through my bible. reading plan has been started, and reasonably kept up with so far.
• run.
• dismantle the mountain-o-junk in the basement. dismantled, but still not completely reorganized.
• decorate for seasons other than Christmas.
• yard sale.
• read a book by Jane Austin Austen.
• hang things on the walls. one thing so far.
• build something.
• laugh. as much as possible.
• organize the office. maybe 50% on this one?
• carve a jack-o-lantern.
• buy pants that fit and make me feel fantastic. i have one amazing pair of jeans. still on the hunt for good work pants.
• clean out my closet.
• put new music on my iPod.
• be a good friend. i dont really know that there's a way to quantify this...
• quilt our old t-shirts. 98% done with Mark's quilt. still not sure if i'm going to do mine or not.
• close my other bank account.
• hit 'play all' on abs and buns of steel and not want to die.
• go to the dentist.
• give more homemade gifts.
• play outside. a few times. not nearly enough though.
• ride my bike. once or twice so far. not as ready for the tour as i'd like to be.
• the big book of everything.
• go to a baseball game. i've got 2 in so far this season, and 2 softball games. any more at this point are purely bonus.
• swim.
• paint something little.
• have fun. yes.oh so much yes.

 so that's where i stand so far. not too shabby if i do say so myself. in fact, (if these were actual resolutions that needed to be completed by the end of the year) i'm pretty much right on track numbers-wise, having either completed or made progress on exactly 50% of all the things on the list. go me!

 

so right now blogger is giving me a STRONG warning about HTML and tags and opening and closing and CANNOT BE ACCEPTED but they also give me an option to "Ignore Warning." so i'm just going to go ahead and do that. walkin on the wild side over here. fingers crossed that this doesnt blow up my computer or anything...

 

this weekend in history.

(my written records go all the way back to my high-school days. anything farther back than that is too hard to remember.)

2004: this was just before i started blogging. which at that point was just journaling on the internet, and immensely embarrasing.

2005: i started surveying with Pap for the summer.
"Hey all...and so begins the rest of my summer away! yah, i'm at the grandparents right now...and for a good while too. but hey, i'm happy. I got here yesterday, and already today i went out on my first day of "surveying"... i got to play around on the roads with a metal detector like u see stupid ppl have goin down the beach and stuff...and we dug big holes in the road, and tromped around in ppl's yards and all that good stuff... I'm also spending a lot of time with my cousins, Sammy and Colton. They're funny... I love all y'all and i'll keep u updated as much as i can...much love. i'm out."

2006: i took a summer speech class.
"i have decided that i really like 3 week summer classes... my first day of class was last thursday. i gave my second speech today, and my (opennote) midterm is tomorrow. then i have a week in which i have 2 speeches to do, then a long weekend, a review day, and my final. im done by the second weekend in July, just in time for the not-a-fiesta. i am firmly convinced that some classes, like speech, should just work that way all the time."

2007: i endured a really rough day at work
"...ten things i did today: 1. i sat in a lawn chair in the shade. 2. i played with two adorable dogs. 3. i enjoyed the sunshine and a nice breeze. 4. i did a sudoku. 5. i ate lunch. 6. i accepted a bottle of water from a nice lady. 7. i sat under a tree. 8. i ran the power dead on my ipod. 9. i cleaned out my car (a little). 10. i chatted with a friend from Lancaster about his and his girlfriends jobs...have i mentioned that i am a fan of state employment?"

2008: i contemplated how to better manage my time at work.
" people who smoke at work take smoke breaks. people at penndot smoke a LOT. and the only break they count is a half hour for lunch. BUT if they're smoking a pack a day at work (thats 20 cigarettes... i had to ask someone that) and it takes about 5 or 6 minutes to smoke one, thats like 2 hours of time. so why are they allowed to get paid for smoking? why am i missing out on this bonus?"

2009: i celebrated the start of the summer at Gram and Paps.
"First Day of Summer. almost check. when i was looking at the calendar to figure out that fathers day wasnt last sunday, i also found out that june 21 was also the first day of summer! what a surprise. especially cuz its cold and gray and rainy here in the 'burg."

2010: things were a bit crazy what with all the house-hunting and wedding planning going on.
 "...got up and went to early service. chatted with youth pastor about DJing our wedding. drove to BBnB. registered for some wedding presents. drove back to fiances house for fiances dad's birthday party. played with beads for bridesmaids jewelry with fiances aunt. continued to discuss making an offer on the house. got frustrated that we couldnt do anything cuz it was sunday. drove home. febreezed whole apartment cuz it reeked of smoke thanks to my new next door neighbors. went to bed."

2011: i continued to surprise and amaze with my prowess in the kitchen.
 "i was almost certain that i would undercook the fish, burn the topping, and give us both some sort of fish-disease...mark claims it was restaurant quality. i think it was the parsley garnish that put it over the top."

2012: we hung something on the wall!

yes, we've owned our house for just under two years, and we just now finally hung something decorative on the walls. i guess it took us that long to reprogram ourselves out of our command-hook loving ways that we learned thanks to years of college and renting. and then since we spent so much time fixing and painting the walls when we bought this place, it felt almost counter-productive to willingly put holes in them. but we did it. and i like it.

i got this mirror last year for $2 at a yardsale. it floated around the house, moving from the basement to the guest room to the front room while it waited for us to figure out where to hang it. i'm still not quite convinced that its absolutely perfect, (it might need some company up there on the wall to fill out the space?) but its definitely better than nothing... and at the very least, its another thing we can cross off the list!

and since we decided that the majority of our time this weekend was better spent outside of the house, that's really all i've got to share on the home improvement front. painting the office will have to wait for another weekend.

fan-tastic.

**this post was inspired by one of my favorite books, which i've been re-reading... see if you can guess which one** 

in the master bathroom, there was a shower. the shower was without a fan, and darkness was over the face of the waters. and Mark said, 'let there be light!'

and then because Mark is not God, Mark spent all day Saturday installing said light. he woke up super early. he referenced three different books about fans and wiring to make sure everything was done safely and done well. he made several trips to the Depot. he climbed up into the attic on a 90 degree day through the impossibly small attic-hole.  

and then he climbed back down, covered in insulation.
(and then he climbed up and down several more times)

 he ran wiring through the walls. he installed a brand new light switch.

and there was light! (and a fan!) and Mark saw that the light was good.

and Mark said, 'let there be lights to separate the day from night.' and the fan manufacturer included the two great lights: the greater light to rule the day...

...and the lesser light to rule the night.

and Mark saw everything that he had done, and behold, it was very good.

and there was morning, and there was evening, one very long day.

**shower with the door closed. cross it off the list, y'all!**