things i would like to do in 2012.

in no particular order.

make a reasonable meal plan. paint the front door. run a 5K. go to Europe. enjoy that trip thoroughly. bring home at least one good souvenir. feel good about myself in a bathing suit. sit-ups. clean the front porch. have pretty flower beds. shower with the door closed. read the Lord of the Rings trilogy. then watch the movies. paint and organize my kitchen. invite more people to our house. smile. make curtains for all my naked windows. clean regularly. use my crockpot. read through my bible. run. dismantle the mountain-o-junk in the basement. decorate for seasons other than Christmas. yard sale. read a book by Jane Austin Austen. hang things on the walls. build something. laugh. organize the office. carve a jack-o-lantern. buy pants that fit and make me feel fantastic. clean out my closet. put new music on my iPod. be a good friend. quilt our old t-shirts. close my other bank account. hit 'play all' on abs and buns of steel and not want to die. go to the dentist. give more homemade gifts. play outside. ride my bike. the big book of everything. go to a baseball game. swim. paint something little. have fun.

these are not resolutions, as they are not necessarily stamped with an expiration date of Dec. 31st and therefore cannot make me feel bad if i dont actually follow through with all of them in the next 365 days. rather, these are goals. things that i would like to accomplish. maybe this year, maybe not. some things involve major lifestyle changes and paradigm shifts. others are much simpler. there are things on the list that are one-shot kind of things, and once they are done that's all there is to it. but there are things in there that are longer-term kind of things, and they will hopefully stick around for a while. its not a comprehensive list, and it might grow as the year goes on. i might keep track of what i accomplish, or i might not. no biggie.

*****

the beginning of this year has been hard for me, and i'm not really sure why that is. i came home from my sister's house and i was just... sad. kind of deflated with a sprinkling of apathy to take away any and all flavor from my life. i've kept going, but it feels like i'm just barely scraping by. i don't want to get out of bed in the morning, i get mad at everything, i swear under my breath when i drop my keys under the front seat of my car. when i get home in the evenings, all i want to do is nothing.

the hubs has been super awesome about it. he's gone grocery shopping, done dishes, and laundry, and cleaned toilets, and made me laugh, and let me watch What Not To Wear and buy the green smart cover that i want for my iPad even though he thinks its overpriced. and while i really appreciate the help, i know that it's not fair for me to zone out and let him take over. i can imagine that it's stressful for him, and knowing that i'm stressing him out really doesn't help to put me in a better mood.

but i'm trying. and i'm starting with this list. the things on it are positive and attainable. it's not overwhelmingly long. i am not pressuring myself to do one specific thing every day for the next year, (i've tried that, and it just doesn't work for me) or setting myself an impossibly small goal weight, or even really resolving to do anything. i'm just identifying the things that i think i might like to do in the near future. and i'm putting it in writing so that i can come back to it for ideas when i have a free afternoon and can't think of anything to do. its a little bit of accountability, and i think it will be fun to go back to this post a year from now and see how i did. 

i'm starting this weekend. we invited a couple of friends over tonight for dinner and a movie. it has all the makings of a really great evening. and even if it turns out to be a total flop, at least it's a good start on my goals to "invite more people to our house," "be a good friend," and "have fun." see how this goes? no pressure. just fun.

what would you like to do in twenty-twelve?