Thursday, October 15, 2015

coworker encounters of the strangest kind...

the following stories are true; i should know, all events have transpired at my place of employment within the past week, and i was somehow involved in them all. the behavior described within these stories is strange. i will leave it up to you to decide which party involved in each story was the strange one.

Encounter #1:
She has decided that, in order to meet new people and get a free workout at the same time, she is going to partake in the after-work fitness classes being offered at her company one night a week. She is at her third class, but is meeting him for the first time - their paths had not previously crossed at any work-related function. He has a giant, nasty and fresh-looking scab on the left side of his face, stretching from his bottom lip to his chin. The following conversation occurs (paraphrased):

She: Hi, I'm She. I work upstairs.
He: Hi, I'm He.
She: What happened to your face?

She is just chock-full of grace and tact. He responds with a lame story of being falling-down-drunk. She suggests that He make up a more interesting story for the future.  She realizes only later that, since she had not previously met him, there was a chance that the thing on his face might not have been a new thing. He might have had a skin condition of some sort, or a permanent birthmark or deformity on his face. She dies a little on the inside just thinking about how rude she had the potential of being. So much for making new friends.

Encounter #2:
She is talking and joking around with her Male Coworker Friend about how he always knows when She is walking over to his desk.

MCF: Maybe you should start walking more quietly.
She: Are you calling me fat?

She justbarely bites her tongue before finishing the rest of that inside-joke-that-MCF-is-not-in-on, which is the definitely inappropriate for coworker conversation, "are you looking down my shirt? stop that!"
She giggles to herself anyway just thinking about it.

Encounter #3:
She is having a conversation with a Female Coworker about the cute shoes she is wearing and where she got them. (because I know you're curious, She is wearing Dr. Scholl's Franca Flats in Rainbow Stripe which She bought at DSW for her birthday two years ago.) A Male Coworker walks by, pausing to join the conversation

FC: i love your shoes - i was looking for similar ones online but they are hard to find.
She: thank you. yeah, i got them a while ago so they're probably not exactly current.
MC: those are really nice shoes. i might need to get some.
She and FC: (gives MC a curious look)
MC: not for me. would you mind if i took a picture of them?
She: sure?

and then he took a picture of my feet.

i can't even think of anything else to add to that story.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

the one where i attempt to end my unplanned blogging break.

the first argument I have had with Mark this week:

Amanda: so this workout we did today was a crazy cardio video - i don't know if I liked it. some of the moves and jumps that woman was doing looked absolutely impossible. i know i definitely couldn't do them

Mark: yeah, they always put really super-fit people in those videos, but people aren't inspired by them as much as they are intimidated and discouraged, and then they just quit.

A: definitely not the intention, but usually the result.


A: you know what would be a good idea? there should be a workout video that is just a person like you at the beginning - not a super fit person - but then as they go through the program and you do the workouts with them, they get more fit as they go, just like you

M: (taking off shirt) what, are you saying I'm not super fit?

A: no, I think you're very fit - I like you a lot

M: but you think I would be the perfect candidate to make an un-fit people workout video?

A: (realization dawns) no no no no! that's not what I meant at all! I was using the word 'you' in a general, plural way - not talking about you specifically!

M: (interrupting) nope. don't even try. I know exactly what you meant. and there's no way you're going to talk your way out of this one.

(M leaves to take a shower)

A: sigh.

***yes, I am unabashedly stealing this format from The Bloggess. because i have been in a writing rut, and because I just read her newest book, and because i'm sure she wont mind me plagiarizing an idea of hers and running with it on my own tiny personal blog for profit and notoriety the express purpose of helping me hopefully start writing again.