Tuesday, January 12, 2016

looking back, looking ahead.

well, its that time of year again. actually I'm probably a little late on this, but now is when I'm finally getting around to find time to reflect on the past year - to see the good, the bad, the frustrating, and the awesome. time to think ahead to the fresh year laid out in front of us, and make up some thoughts and goals about what we think the days ahead of us will hold and how they will go. it all seems a little arbitrary, but there's still something comforting about the process. so here goes:

in 2015, i wanted to... ...finish the kitchen renovation with sanity and grace. this is big and exciting and a huge blessing. i want to keep that in mind rather than just freaking out over all the details.

wow. this seems like it was SO long ago. last year, we were deep in the trenches of this massive renovation. this year, we have been enjoying the finished product for 9 months and it already feels like our house has been this way forever. as for my attitude during the process? I think I did ok. i don't remember yelling at any contractors. I do remember feeling overwhelmed by just how awesome and nice everything was, and pleased by all of the guys who worked to make it happen.
calling this a win.

...feel good in my skin. whether i lose some weight, clear up my face, grow my hair out, or just shift my personal perception of myself, i just want to feel better.

still growing my hair out. haven't weighed myself all year. got rid of some 'fat' clothes. simplified my closet. still working on that whole 'clear up my face' thing, and i still have overly emotional days when everything is just the worst, but overall i feel pretty good about where I'm at. win.

...focus on intentionally healthy choices: walk. eat salads. less sugar-bomb snacks. more jazzercise.

a bit of a roller coaster on this one. i think there are only so many salads a person can handle before you just need to sit down with a bag of Hershey's kisses and just eat the whole thing. still love jazzercise though. half-win.

...be more organized. this includes previous years goals of closing my extraneous bank account, starting the big book of everything, budgeting, finishing up some half-done projects, and hopefully just generally feeling more like a responsible adult.

ha. hahahahahahaha. nope. I'm just as big a mess as ever. but I'm starting to realize that most other people don't quite have it all together either, and if i remember that everyone else is just guessing too, then i don't have to be as disappointed in myself. just keep swimming.

...host parties. i'm going to have such a nice new kitchen, it would be a shame not to share it with people i love.

this year we hosted my birthday, Mothers Day, had our community group over every week, did Christmas with friends, game night with coworkers, and even threw a last-minute New Years Eve party. not too shabby.

...spend time outside. sunshine is the best. and not much beats that wonderful exhausted feeling after a long day spent working or playing outside. i'd like to do more of that this year.

good not great. i think? i definitely was outside this year: i hunted a lot of waterfalls, hiked in different places, soaked up the sunshine and have the pictures to prove it. but i know i also spent plenty of time inside. since i don't really have a way to quantify this one, I'm going to go ahead and give myself the benefit of the doubt and call it a win.

...get pregnant. this is something i dont really talk about much, because it is extremely personal and because i dont want anyone asking me "how's it going? *winkwinknudgegiggle*" ugh. awkward. no thanks. so why put it on the list? because i've been pretty singularly focused on it for the past 10 months but haven't let myself talk about it much, and it just feels good to put it in writing.

nope. moving on.

...take pictures. because i want to be able to look back someday and remember my everyday life, along with the big events.

i definitely took a lot of pictures this year. i also spent a lot of time really enjoying just being with people i love instead of attempting to just document that time. this is a weird one to try and strike a balance, but I'm feeling ok with it. win.

...go to the beach. i just love it.

spent a week at the Outer Banks in August. and it was lovely. win.

...have fun. smile. laugh. relax. be silly. just fun.

so many good moments this year. plenty of laughter. so much fun. win.

my gut-reaction to 2015 was that it was a tough year. there were a lot of tears this year, and loss, and disappointments.  but looking at these goals i made last January and seeing how many wins are on this list (7 out of 10 what!!) well, its just a nice reminder that along with the less-than pleasant moments is always sprinkled in plenty of joy and grace and goodness. they always go hand-in-hand, because you can't really appreciate one without the other. if everything is good, then nothing is. or something like that.

well, this post is already super long, and i don't really feel a great need to do too much looking ahead at this particular moment, so let's just save that for a separate post. okay? okay.

1 comment:

Miss Brenda said...

Seriously had to think where that picture of the two of us was taken. Can't think this would make my top fun moments of 2015. Love you, love the list.