Friday, October 4, 2013

this golf thing is driving a wedge between us.

there was a point in my college career at which i realized that eventually college would end, and that ending would require some degree of growing up, and that growing up would more than likely involve stretching myself in some ways beyond my collegiate comfort zone and doing new, adult-ish things. i do believe the words that came out of my mouth, spoken under my breath to my friend who was seated next to me so as not to disrupt the presenter with my epiphany, were the following:
"crap, i'm going to have to learn how to golf, huh?"

fast forward no less than four years to today. in a moment of temporary insanity and an attempt to build relationships with my coworkers, i signed up to participate in the company golf tournament in two weeks. up until this moment, my golf experience has been... how should i put this delicately... limited. but i mean its not like i've never touched a golf club before. i'm a half-decent mini-golfer. and i played par-3 that one time in high school. and sure, i did manage to hit my ball into the pond, but i was wearing khakis while i did it so that counts for something right?

yesterday, a conversation broke out about 3-irons and 5-woods and it was like everyone was speaking pig-latin or maybe just actual latin and i just wasn't in on the joke but what i think i learned is that the 3-iron is useless and i probably shouldnt use a men's driver. also, this joke:

Bob: so what do you do when you are out on the course and a thunderstorm rolls in?
Jon: well, i usually run to the middle of the green and hold my 1-iron straight up in the air.
Bob: why on earth would you do that? don't you know you could get struck by lightning?
Jon: it doesn't worry me at all. even God can't hit a 1-iron.

apparently that's funny for mysteriously unknown golf-related reasons.

i am one member of a four-person team. i signed up with three other people who actually had a number to put in the "handicap/average score" box. they convinced me that "yes" would not be an appropriate response when asked if i had a golf handicap, so i just put "1st timer" in that box. our team is going to the driving range over lunch today. probably again next week too. and i am planning a shopping trip over the weekend for an appropriate khaki/plaid/argyle golf outfit to help me blend in with the old pros. it seems like a pretty good plan, and i'm excited to be a part of it.

wish me luck!

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