inspired by Miss Brenda.

(... Miss Brenda! Miss Brenda Brenda Brenda Brenda Brenda...)

but i digress.

i got ready this morning extra early for church today, so i have time to post this. all i wanted to do was find my shoes. and considering the fact that im such a slob, i figured this wouldn't be too much of a problem - i have shoes all over the apartment.

and if my picture uploader didnt hate me, i would show you pictures of:

the black sandals that julie borrowed yesterday, sitting behind her desk (which is right beside mine)
my good tennis shoes and two pairs of sandals (brown and green) sitting beside my desk.
the yellow sandals i wore to walk down to the band festival last night sitting by the table directly behind our desks, and my band shoes on the bench of the table right above the sandals.
a pair of julie's shoes in the bottom of my closet, with two other pairs of my shoes. (and a couple hoodies)
my 8th grade school shoes in front of the mirror behind my desk.
the grungy tennis shoes i wore to play softball last week (with the socks too) sitting by the balcony door.
my closet shoe organizer. still full of shoes.
AND the brown shoes i was looking for, hiding under the couch :)

Rhys has more shoes than i do. i dont feel so bad.


(...where's my penny shaker?!...)

keeping up the illusion...

you know how sometimes you take a shortcut to make something easier, but still need to make it seem like you actually spent a lot of time doing it... or you put on a happy face to mask the pain you feel on the inside (whether its a physical hurt or an emotional one) smiling and laughing with friends when you have a splitting headache, or when you're feeling your heart break over and over again day after day...
i've been running into this a lot lately it seems. from the grill marks on the steak in the salad that they serve in Alex's, to the eggshell i found in my eggs this morning (which i am pretty sure are a powdered just-add-water mix) to the way that i'm dealing with my own problems. its all just an illusion. and sometimes you get so good at faking it that you can almost convince yourself that the illusion is real - that they take time to grill the steak for the salads, that they use real eggs for saturday morning breakfasts, or that it really doesn't hurt all that bad.


almost.

chaps who did taps...

aren't tapping anymore... they're doin choreography.
what i would like to know is why they insist on doing it over and over through my head... honestly could i have a worse song stuck in my head? i mean cmon theres a reason we fast forward through it EVERY time we watch the movie. its just that bad.
of all the songs i know, and even all the good songs from this movie, why does this one have to be the one in my head. why not sisters? a much more entertaining song, especially when sung by men in drag... or even gee i wish i was back in the army, or the best things happen while you're dancing, or blessings, or snow, or ANY OTHER SONG... nope, its choreography.

...but seriously, i've always wanted one of those fans.

old faithful.

this is my family. in Wyoming. i got to see them today. well, most of them... (if alex would have stood up i could have seen all of him instead of just his rear end) they were watching old faithful... and thanks to this pretty neat webcam thing, i got to see it too. in case you are like me and have never seen it before, it looks something like this:
its pretty big. im sure it is much more impressive in person, with all the water and the noise and the oohs and aahhs from all the other touristy spectators... i imagine it would be kind of a rush. i'll get there someday. im puttin it on my bucket list.

...when all your dreams come true...

on Friday, i drove into Pittsburgh all by myself. and by all by myself i mean that Julie and myself dressed up like the big kids that we apparently are and went to see Wicked at the Benedum. we drove in the rain. we walked with our umbrellas through the streets of da Burgh from the parking garage where we left Gretchen. we did not drink any alcohol, but took note of its availability at theater productions for future reference when attempting to convince boys to go with us.
Wicked was AMAZING. there really are no words to describe it. my camera batteries were dead. there are no pictures.
sometimes i wish my life was a musical. 'because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true... well, isnt it?' and i'm pretty sure that if everyone around me spontaneously broke out into choreographed song and dance that would be very much happy...

time management.

if i am going to keep up with my promise to myself to not do work on sundays, then i am going to have to start doin a lot more work on fridays and saturdays...

i am teaching my freshmen about time management today. it seems a little ironic.

perspective.

i am very small.

the world is very big.

beyond that, the galaxy is huge... and the universe? well it just boggles my mind.

millions of light years of known universe. trillions of miles in a light year. that makes millions of trillions of miles of space that is full of stars and galaxies and planets and amazingness... and thats just the part we know. we're constantly finding more... there's who knows how much more out there...

that means that my God, the creator of it all, is absolutely ginormous.

but get this - He knows my name. He loves me SO much that this great big God became really really little like me (ok maybe a foot or so taller) and He put up with the same issues that i do, and He really does care about the things that bother me. and even the littlest of things that bug me. He really cares when He listens, He knows my struggles, and He is willing to wrap His great big arms around me to pick me up and comfort me when my little world that i live in becomes overwhelming.

it is amazing to me that in a whole great big universe full of constellations and supernovas and other way cool stuff that seems to just say "hey cool, look what i can do"... God made me. He has a plan for me. that somehow my existance on this ittybitty planet we call home will be more than just a miniscule blip or a quickly passing vapor... that my life would make a difference. to someone. somewhere. somehow.


How can I keep from singing praises to the God who has picked me up time and time again, and whose astronomical grace is seen everywhere, in my life and even at the center of galaxies that are millions of trillions of miles away...

follow-up thought. or a colon in every sentence.

something new in my life: i suddenly have an overflow of limited political thoughts.

all of these politicians, no matter who they are, what party they're representing, or what their beliefs are, they all promise the same thing: hope and change. and it makes sense: its what everybody wants. but the speaker in church yesterday made a good point: they can't really deliver on that promise.

There is only person who can truly deliver on either of those promises: and thats God. He has the power to save, transform, and use even the worst of sinners: and that kind of power is the reason i chose Him to be in charge of my life.

ok my brain hurts: i cant do this political thing anymore.