Thursday, October 6, 2011

our first scare.

my blog is about to go to a place where my blog has never gone before. its kind of personal, but i think we can all handle it. if you dont think you can, then just skip this post and come back later. i'll probably have something to say about grilled bananas or painting furniture thats a little more in line with what we're all used to getting around here.

a couple months ago, i screwed up my birth control system when i forgot to pack my pills before we left for vacation. no wait, thats kind of a lie, because i actually did pack them, but then in a fit of organizational awesomeness i unpacked them to take one the morning we left, and then forgot to repack them before we actually left. i guess thats what i get for trying to be prepared and pack three days ahead of time.

so i was off the pill for a while and yadda yadda yadda all of a sudden there's a chance i might be preggers. (i am not going to elaborate any further on that point because i trust that all my readers are old enough to know where babies come from. you're welcome. go ask your mother.) anywho, this all led to a two-and-a-half week period in September during which i overthought every thing i did or felt and tried desperately to figure out if i was indeed going to grow a little person inside of me. and since you weren't hanging out in my head at that time, i've provided a symptom-by-symptom account of those weeks purely for your enjoyment and a little bit of understanding of why and how i came to be a little ball of silent stress and anxiety.

Symptom: eating a lot of food. a lot of junk food. specifically ice cream.
What I Was Thinking: i am so hungry! its like i'm eating enough for myself and a whole 'nother person... i kind of hope i actually turn out to be preggo so i can justify this junk food binge.
What I Probably Should Have Thought: i do not really need this ice cream. didn't i say i was going to start eating healthy and working out so i wouldnt feel so fat?

Symptom: "i feel so faaaaattttt."
What I Was Thinking: bloating! thats totally an early sign of pregnancy!
What I Probably Should Have Thought: hur dur dumbbutt its probably cause of all that ice cream. and i should probably actually start working out more. and maybe eat a little less cheese.

Symptom: headaches in the morning and a sore back all day.
What I Was Thinking: (google google google) oh man. more signs of early pregnancy. i dont think i'm ready for this. i need to go hyperventilate somewhere.
What I Probably Should Have Thought: i should stop sleeping in my contacts, because i know they give me headaches. and what a good jazzercise workout! i love that sore all over feeling the next day.

Symptom: gosh, i am really tired. i do not feel like doing anything but laying right here on this couch.
What I Was Thinking: that crazy little maybe-baby is sucking all my energy!
What I Probably Should Have Thought: i need more sleep. maybe staying up late to catch the end of America's Got Talent and then getting sucked into the show after that too wasn't really the best plan ever.

Symptom: massive acne breakout. not like "oh look a few zits on my chin" but more like "my face resembles that of a 16-year old boy who refuses to wash their face and/or their sheets and by the way is that a zit inside my right ear?"
What I Was Thinking: (google google google) oh man i didnt even know that acne leads to babies! PANIC!
What I Probably Should Have Thought: um hello? remember how your face kinda sorta does this EVERY month? probably just PMS. chill out and wash your face a bit more.

Symptom: getting up to go to the bathroom like 6 times in 4 hours.
What I Was Thinking: OMG TEENY TINY HUMAN MAKING ME HAVE TO PEEEEE
What I Probably Should Have Thought: well, note to self: drinking approx. 96 oz of water in one day might be just a tad bit excessive. chill.

**SPOILER ALERT** i'm not pregnant. just a little stressed and out of shape and making less-than-stellar dietary choices. sorry to disappoint.

and no, i'm not really disappointed at the lack of babyness in mah bellay. we're honestly not ready for that yet, as evidenced by the fact that one of my main concerns had to do with fitting into the fabulous bridesmaid dress i just bought for Vic's wedding 9 months from now, and that one of the only positive things i could really think about having a baby right now would be having an excuse to get fat.

so yeah. no babies here yet. just thought you might like to know.

2 comments:

Miss Brenda said...

Always love knowing what is in your head, but I might have enjoyed having 2.5 weeks myself to contemplate all the ramifications of another grandbaby. Love you :)

AmiDawn said...

i wanted to tell you SO badly, but i also didn't want you to get all excited over nothing.