Thursday, December 27, 2012

nothing says happy holidays like talking about puke.

recently, my brother-in-law had a vomitous experience with a cup of expired yogurt. it was four months past its expiration date, but according to him it still tasted really good. in fact, he was feeling so good after eating the yogurt that he went on to eat two plate-fulls of spaghetti. fast forward a couple hours, and he could tell that it was only a matter of time until he was going to be seeing all the contents of his stomach again. two sessions of kneeling before the throne of the porcelain gods and a total of twelve pukes took care of the spaghetti. the yogurt finally made its appearance around 1:30am with a series of three technicolor yawns, wrapping up the hork-fest.

now in light of this story, there is something that you should know about my husband: he thinks vomiting is the most hi-larious thing in the world. something about the complete helplessness of the vomiter and their inability to control their bodies, the contents of their stomachs, or the noises they are making in the process of heaving it all back up. he was laughing so hard while his brother was telling him the story of his hork-fest on the drive home after the Christmas Eve service that i had to remind him that he was driving so that he wouldnt collapse in a fit of giggles and steer the car into a ditch. watching someone vomit, hearing someone vomit, hearing stories about vomit - they all trigger bouts of uncontrollable laughter.

so now i know what you're all wondering: how does he react when I am the one puking? well the truth is that i dont know yet. i havent been pukey-sick since we've been married, and i dont think i even puked while we were dating or engaged. but we have talked about it - he says he will be as compassionate as he can, and he would hold my hair back for me, (this was before i chopped it all off) but he could not promise that he wouldnt be laughing the whole time. and that is the part that i am most worried about: when he laughs, i can't help but laugh, because when he is really hysterically laughing, its pretty infectious. and i just can't imagine that laughing while puking would be either an especially attractive or pleasant experience.

i probably just jinxed myself by writing about it on the internet, but i'm really hoping to make it through this winter without actually having to find out how this whole pukey-sick scenario will actually play out in our marriage...

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