a random number of reasons my blog will never make me rich and famous.

1. i dont own a really nice camera. this really has nothing to do with anything. but deep down, part of me would just like to have a nice camera that doesnt have such a long delay between when i push the button and when the picture is actually taken. as it is, my photographic memories tend to have a Lassie-esque feel to them. but if my fortune and fame were dependant on the quality of photos i take, then i might be able to convince myself that i deserve a really nice camera.

this is where i was going to post a picture.

but i forgot to take one.

so maybe instead of a new camera,

i just need a new memory.
or maybe if i had a new camera,

i would remember to use it.

2. i dont update every day. i tried it once. remember? that one time i cooked? it was exhausting. why not try posting on a regular schedule, you say? like every other day or something? oh please. like i have ever been able to stick to any sort of schedule ever in my life. if i have learned anything about myself in my 24 years, it is that when it comes to organization i'm mostly a lost cause.

3. i dont have many interesting stories in my life, at least not any that my four faithful readers (who are also my family)(hi Mom!) don't already know, and sometimes even know better than me. and once those stories have all been told, minus the ones i dont know that i would be comfortable sharing on the internets, then i'm done. all out. kaput. and to be a rich and famous blogger i'm guessing that you should have enough material to provide for more longeivity (sp?) than that.

4. i'm not extremely tech-saavy. i'm more what you might call tech-mediocre. i'm fine with email and facebook, i work on a computer all day, i can teach my boss how to burn a file to CD, i shop online, and i would be lost without my iPod. but i'm not on twitter, i dont have a smart phone (mostly because i'm cheap, not because i dont want one), i still read books that are !printed on paper!, i have a site designer who takes care of all my blog-related issues, and if anything ever goes wrong with my computer my first reaction is just to cry (so dont even Think about asking about the external harddrive. its too bad to even talk about. consider yourself forewarned). so keeping up with stats and tracking down trolls and IP addresses and html traffic open source typeface comments bandwidth GPU phishing terabyte unitard hockey puck monkeymonkeyunderpants!

*deep breath*
... so moving  on...

5. i dont have any kids. if you want baby pictures, try my sister's site instead.

5a. i dont have a gimmick at all to keep people coming back for more.  i dont cook, i dont keep a clean house, i definately dont knit, i dont do crafts often enough to warrant putting them online, and i cant afford to take a year off to travel the world. all i have is me and my crazy. and really, i dont know that there's much of a demographic that is interested in reading about the inner workings of the sometimes off-kilter mind of a young wife in the suburbs.

6. i think that ads on blogs are just plain ugly. and annoying. especially those ones that EXPAND when you roll over them and cover half of the page you were trying to read a second ago but now will waste the next ten minutes trying to find the little hidden [x] in the ad that will make it Just Go Away but inevitably you will end up accidentally clicking the ad and be whisked away from the site you actually wanted to read to a new site that will tell you all the joys of Ranch Dressing or Hair Products or Gory Movies or Toothbrushes or some other such nonsense. and are you prepared to deal with that?!? i didnt think so. so why dont you just thank me profusely for not putting that stress into your life. and maybe send presents.

7. i am not a writer. i mean yeah, i had some pretty kick-butt english teachers in high school and i almost tested out of taking any english class in college (and then the one i ended up taking was a cinema class which hardly even counts), but lets be real here. numbers are my thing. they just make sense to me. (so do nerdy jokes and almost every episode of the Big Bang Theory) i appreciate the fact that when it comes to numbers, there is such a thing as a right and wrong answer. there are formulas and patterns and have you ever SEEN a fractal? there is just something comforting in knowing that no matter how complex a problem might appear, it can all be worked down to a concrete, definite answer.
but with words, there is subjectivity. there are people who will judge you for mispronouncing words like naked, epitome, and misled. and there is always a chance that no matter how many words you know or use, you may never be able to have a clear answer to complex problems.

8. i dont know that i really want to be a rich and famous blogger. i mean really, thats a lot of pressure. i write here because i enjoy it. i get a kick out of seeing my thoughts written down, watching the connections that happen so quickly and are so hard to follow in my head become fleshed out. and i put it out there primarily to keep in touch with my family as we're all spread out. and i leave it out there just on the off chance that someone else might find anecdotes about cows and crickets and the MVA as funny as i do and that it might brighten their day just a little bit.

so i hope your day has been brightened by my random outpouring of thoughts. and if this post didnt quite do it for you, then try back tomorrow.* there is no form or function to this space because there is no form or function to the majority of my thoughts, so you never know what to expect. so you can never get bored. so you always come back for more.

huh, maybe i do have a gimmick after all!

*and of course by tomorrow i mean whenever i get around to writing something new. see reason #2 that i will never be able to support myself with this blogging thing. complete and utter unreliability.