seven times seven.

we've hit the seven week mark. forty-nine days. the ticker on my wedding website tells me i have one month, 2 weeks, and 4 days to go!

lately it feels like i have two little Mandos, one on each shoulder, whispering things into my ears. one is sharply dressed, her hair is done to perfection, her laundry is done, she made a fabulous dinner AND her kitchen is clean, and she's telling me, 'hey thats plenty of time. you have all the big stuff done, you just have to nail down a few details and everything will work out great! Mark has the house completely under control so why don't you just relax, go to bed early, sleep in, take a day off, and dont worry about a thing...'

i like her. i wish i could be more like her.

but then on my other shoulder is the other Mando, who got less than 7 hours of sleep every night this week, has paint under all her fingernails, is wearing whatever seemed to be relatively clean that morning, almost remembered to brush her hair and her teeth, and ate a yogurt and an apple for lunch because she was too tired to make anything else starts yelling in response, 'dont listen to her! theres so much to do! your house is a mess! your apartment isnt packed! your wedding to do list is a mile long and keeps getting longer! you didnt get anything done on your ONE free saturday you had this month! you're never going to get it all done in time! you'll be living out of your car again and your wedding will have no decorations! and why isnt your trim all painted! you picked WHAT carpet?!?!? are you sure thats right? why are you doing this to yourself? do you even like this guy?!'
 
its a nasty back and forth. i do my best to ignore both of them and just let myself live somewhere in between these two extremes, knowing that my God loves me enough to not give me more than i can handle, and that He is big enough to keep me going when it feels impossible. God gave me the wonderful man in my life and a wonderful house in which to live with him and with his help and strength and peace we will have a beautiful wedding and a beautiful home. all in 49 days.