Friday, April 15, 2011

an(other) open letter.

to the highways printer:

we are fighting.

this is not a good thing for either of us. i do not like conflict, in fact i often go very far out of my way to avoid even the slightest hint of a conflict, especially when we have to work with each other in such very close proximity. i mean come on, you're just on the other side of the wall from me. i can hear every noise you make. i would like nothing more than to just get along. but this time you have taken it too far.

you know how i was so sad the other day when i could not print to you because someone decided to change your plot configuration and not tell anyone? well i take it back. i take back the nice thoughts i had about you and all the pleasant times we once had, and the upset feeling i got when i realized i would have to walk all the way to the plot room to print my 20% off Bed Bath and Beyond coupon, and the wish that i wished that i would soon be able to utilize your services once again.

i dont know about you, but i can remember back to this morning. back to the good old days, when i printed this exact spreadsheet, and it came out just like it's supposed to. gosh, that was nice. i liked you then. why would you want to ruin our relationship this afternoon by messing up my spreadsheet? is it because i didnt save you any pizza from lunch today? did i inadvertantly insult your motherboard? are you just programmed to be mean and sadistic?

and while i'm the one asking the questions here, do you think i make my settings so that everything fits onto three sheets just to make myself feel better? do you think i double check it in print preview and see that it all fits onto said three sheets just for the satisfaction of knowing it is actually a possibility? do you think i really won't mind when you make my three sheets of information take up SIX SHEETS? whaddaya think i am, dumb or somethin'?* and just how angry do you have to be to do it THREE TIMES IN A ROW?

so, since i am a completely rational person who would never ever talk to an inanimate object let alone stoop as low as to grovel to said inanimate object to get what i want, i will give you one more chance. if you would like to get back into my good graces, i suggest you stop playing games with my head, and my spreadsheets.

don't make me get big on you. cuz i will totally go all OfficeSpace on you. don't tempt me. you wouldn't like me when i'm angry.

now lets try this one more time...

Love Always,
Mando

PS. thank you. i really didn't want to have to explain that one to the IT guy...

*name that movie!

3 comments:

Miss Brenda said...

I don't know the movie :(

nancyann said...

Singing in the Rain. Lina Lamont.

AmiDawn said...

Aunt Nance you are the winner!