an open letter.

to the black Chrysler on 83 this morning:

depsite all your best efforts, i did in fact make it safely into work this morning.

all i really wanted to do was to pass the big truck, and to pass him quickly because passing 18-wheelers makes me nervous. i drive a little car and i always worry that i will be in the wrong place at the wrong time and the truck will change lanes while i am right beside them in their giant blind spot and i will be forced to be smashed against the glare screen because my car is not little enough to fit right underneath the truck like in that one Griswold movie.

but then i got stuck behind you.

you, who would not speed up just a little so i could fully pass the big truck as we drove down the big hill and he got closer and closer to the car in front of him and i got more and more panicky as his need to switch lanes became more and more obvious and i was obviously driving right where he needed to be but you were completely oblivious to all of this being the reason that i was riding your tail, silently urging you to just Speed! Up! A! Little! Already! so we Dont! All! Die!

well, the truck managed to squeeze itself into the left lane right behind me, and i breathed a sigh of relief over the fact that were were not all dead. we all passed the slower cars, the truck moved back over into the right lane, and i naievely assumed that you would follow suit, since you were obviously in the way of my desire to go just a little faster.

but apparently in maryland (where you're from, and have been for a while based on your not new-like-mine license plate) the proper etiquette for dealing with other drivers who would like to go just a little faster is not to pull into the right lane and out of the other drivers way, but rather to SLOW DOWN until you're going 45 MPH IN THE LEFT LANE which does nothing productive, it just makes me go "seriously?" and pass you on the right. which i hate doing, and i hate the people who do it, but you made me into one of those people today. i hope you're happy.

i know i am. there were free donuts waiting for me when i got to work SAFELY and ON TIME and NOT DEAD, no thanks to you.

drive safely, black Chrysler.

love always,
Mando