7 things that MY kids will know.

while i was busy last week wrangling a wild group of 4-5 year olds while simultaneously attempting to teach them something about Jesus at Action Camp, i couldn't help but notice that some of the things they were saying just seemed a little... off. which got me thinking about MY future kids, and what perfect little angels they will be. so i thought i would just go ahead and share a few reasons why MY kids will be smarter, faster, stronger, and better behaved than YOUR kids.

1. MY kids will know the difference between animate and inanimate objects.

Kid: (chattering about something)
Teacher: oh yeah, and then what?
Kid: (turns to look at teacher) I was just talking to the wall. and then i thought the wall was talking back to me. but it was you!


2. MY kids will know to only say appropriate, non-terrifying things, and only at appropriate times.

Teacher: who knows what deep means?
Kid: like in my pool... there's the deep end... and my dad says that if i go in there... that... that i... that i'll DIE.


3. MY kids will understand the general concept of TMI.

Kid: (overheard from the boy's bathroom) HEY! you have the same underwear as me!


4. MY kids will know that movies dont reflect reality.

Teacher: (reading the story of Jonah) "...but Jonah had gone below deck, where he lay down and fell into a deep sleep..."
Kid: and then he met a worm! and they made him walk the plank!


5. MY kids will think I am the best mommy ever.

Teacher: has anyone ever been mean to you?
Kid: sometimes my mommy spanks me!


6. MY kids will know what sound a pig makes.

(Teacher is giving piggy back rides. Kid is following, making a noise that sounds like a dying goose trying to yell for help while being strangled by a rabid warthog)
Teacher: why are you making that noise?
Kid: i'm helping you be the pig!


7. MY kids will come to know and love Jesus.

Kid: before i came here, i didn't really know Jesus. but now, i love him, because he's changing me.
(best. quote. ever.)

at least, that's what i'm praying for them.


(note: still NOT pregnant. sorry if all the talk about my kids got your hopes up.)