like a river.

so it turns out that planning a wedding and simultaneously trying to find a house that successfully allows two people to maintain their respective jobs in two different states but still fits into a modest budget is a little on the stressful side. on the first day of planning, i had a major meltdown. i have been close to tears two other times. i am not really worried about the wedding part of this whole planning process: thats the fun stuff. (its also the part that i'm in charge of) what gets to me is the house stuff. mostly just the fact that not having a house or any type of place of our own and not really having a good idea of what that will cost severely influences and sometimes limits our ability to set a plan and a budget, which are kind of important. as two engineering-minds going into this, Mark and I like to have a plan. we like to know everything, all the little details, or at least have some way of figuring them out. and yet here we are, with no plan. just waiting.
the other night i was getting ready for bed and freaking out a little to myself. it was looking to me like there was no way in heck that we were going to be able to pull this off. then i heard a voice singing 'it is well with my soul,' and i realized that it was me singing. it was as if God was placing his peace over me, wrapping his arms around me, and reminding me that HE is the one in control and that everything will work out.
its nice to be reminded of that. because no matter how hard i try, no matter how many plans i make, its not up to me. every day will be a struggle if i try to do it on my own. but if i make it a point to daily turn my life over to my Savior and my God, the creator of all things and Lord of the universe, the stress goes away and is replaced with peace.
i cannot do this on my own. i am not perfect. i will stumble, and i will fall. as someone more eloquent than i put it: i try to be so tough, but i'm just not strong enough. i can't do this alone God i need you to hold on to me. i try to be good enough but i'm nothing without your love -
Savior please, keep saving me.

epic fail.

yesterday i started to climb back on the wagon. not that lame wagon where you dont drink because you cant have just one (one is really all it takes for me to achieve my desired state of giddy anyway) but the wagon i was trying so desperately to hang onto, rode along the side with my feet dragging in the dust for a while, and eventually fell off and have spent the past month half-heartedly chasing down the road. its the one where i work out on a regular basis, eat decently healthy food, clean up after myself, do the dishes and laundry in a timely manner, read my bible more than once a month, spend quality time in prayer, and just generally be a decently responsible and healthy human being.
i was doing reasonably well at all of these things for quite a while. and then Lent hit. is it possible to fail Lent? because as soon as i made a commitment to read my bible every day and start a specific reading plan, i pretty much just stopped reading all together. and to add insult to injury i stopped making any effort to get to the gym at all and my dietary habits went to pot. so here i am with less than a week left of Lent, wondering if its possible to pull a couple all-nighters and last minute cram sessions and pull my theoretical lenten-grade up to at least passing this year?
i bought a scale. (and as soon as i get batteries for it it will be much more useful) i went to the gym. i ran 2.25 miles on the elliptical and did all the reps my lifting plan told me to do. i did two loads of laundry. i ate pasta and carrots with peanut butter. i loaded and ran the dishwasher. i started reading the book that Dutcher gave Mark and me to read through our pre-marital counseling. i still feel like i'm in a really big hole with my bible reading, but i spent time just talking to God last night - telling him my hopes, fears, and surrendering my plans over to Him. and then i told him that all again this morning.
i feel good about this.
i really hope it sticks this time.

ring-less.

i love having a ring on my finger. this is surprising to me because up until this point in my life i have never worn rings. well i think i might have had a duct tape thumb ring for a while but i dont know that that really counts. i have been wearing my ring all the time - even at night. i like it that much. but i knew that eventually i was going to have to give it back to get it resized. so the night before i had to give it back i took it off before i went to bed, just to acclimate myself to not having it on before the real deal (kind of like trying it on only backwards) it was so weird. my finger felt so naked. it was like a part of me was missing and i had only had the ring on for less than a week.
that night, i had the most horrible nightmare. (even worse than the one where the monster in the sink of McDonalds pulled me down the drain when i was washing my hands) in my dream, Mark and i had only known each other for like four days, but we were SO in love, he asked me to marry him, i said yes, and i got the ring. we were at some sort of a family reunion, but only certain family members (and random friends/acquaintences) were there. Then things took a turn for the worse when one of my friends current girlfriends came on the scene. (we have a little bit of bad blood between us i'm not sure why she was at my fam reunion lol) Mark took one look at her, took my ring from me, gave it to her, and they ran away together. i spent the rest of the dream fake smiling and laughing, pretending i was still happily engaged so as not to alarm my family. it was so horrible i woke up at 4am, terrified that it was real. i cant remember the last time a dream woke me up in the middle of the night. i went and put my ring back on.
my ring is gone for two weeks to get resized. (my sister suggested throwing it back at his face, just to see what it would feel like but i didnt want to push my luck) i am really looking forward to having it back.

the story.

ok so apparently no one was interested in my attempt at a quick yet humorous/whimsical post while i worked towards this one. either that or it was neither humorous nor whimsical. either way...

last week, my BFITW emailed me to request my help with a lesson plan she was putting together for one of her math classes. she said she was gathering information for a lesson on correlation - to see the relationship between the circumference of your wrist and your ankle, the size of fingers on your left hand compared to your right, and the amount of tv you watch per night compared to your age. without really thinking, i sent her this information (measured with an ipod cord because for some reason or another i own no string)

this past weekend, i went to Maine for my friend Melissa's wedding. I have known her for the past four years, and even though we didn't really get along when we first met (i thought she was stuck up, and she was scared of me) we became really good friends, bonding over classes and coffee. i was there when she was freaking out about her first date, so i was excited to be there for the wedding too :) 

the day after the wedding, Mark and I planned to go to a state park that i found online that had a lake. the weather was gorgeous (which is unheard of in Maine, especially in March) but we hit a snag in our plan: the bridge that our directions wanted us to take was under construction and completely impassable. there was a posted detour, but it was pretty much useless. i was starting to freak out a little cuz our perfect day in the park was appearing like it wasnt gonna happen, and getting mad at myself for not planning better and not having a map.

after driving around for a while, we finally found our way to the other side of the lake where we found the other way into the park. it was exactly what maine looked like in my head. we walked down the shore and found a cool tree to sit on that was right by the edge of the water. i started to relax and boldly declared that moment was perfect. Mark asked me if i really thought so, so i told him again that it was perfect. he then proceeded to get up and get down on one knee next to the tree.

i think at this point i should have been speechless, and i think my brain really was, but my mouth apparently didnt get the memo. i heard myself ask 'what are you doing?' as he pulled the ring out of his pocket and said 'what does it look like i'm doing? i'm getting down on one knee.' to which i replied 'are you serious? is that real?' and he asked 'will you be my wife?' and i took a picture of the ring and asked 'can i wear that?'
he gently reminded me that i would have to actually answer him first before i could wear the ring. so then i think my brain finally woke up and i said 'yes! of course!'
we ate lobster that night. not because either of us like lobster (in fact neither of us are fans-he prefers crabs and i prefer my food to not look at me) but because it seemed like a celebratory thing and how can you go to maine and not eat lobster? mark was mostly done with his before i had even got up the nerve to touch mine. eventually i managed to rip its arms off and break the claws all by myself. i let mark rip the rest of it apart for me. i was mostly glad i didnt have to clean it up after.
i get really excited all over again every time my ring catches my eye. which is pretty often. i cant help but think this is just the beginning of something really good. i have a ton of other thoughts about all sorts of stuff running through my head constantly, but i will save them for a later date.

not what you were expecting.

ok so i think most of my loyal readership knows that i have some big news. this post is not about that.

this post is just to share the song that has for some reason been in my head for the past four days:

Mmmnn-At! went the little green frog one day
Mmmnn-At! went the little green frooog!
Mmmnn-At! went the little green frog one day
and his eyes went Mmmnn-At! too.

Honk Honk! went the big Mack truck one day
Splish Splash! went the little green frooog!
now his eyes don't go Mmmnn-At! anymore
cause they got licked up by a dog. woof!woof!

i think this song comes from the period of my life that also included 'Aggelina Haggelina OckaTocka WockaTocka OckaTockaWocka' and 'Eddie Gootchie Gotchie Gammie Toastanamie Toastanamie Sammy Gammy Wacky Brown' and who could forget the 'Klinah Klinah Feegle Fugle Osten Peckin Beagle Bugle EarDrumSplittin Loud and Bloomin Bird' :)

stayed tuned for more random songs as they pop into my head and oh yeah some real news :)

wednesday the seventeenth.

today, people everywhere will drink themselves into oblivion in honor of St Patrick's Day, or as the Irish like to call it: Wednesday.

heard this on the radio this morning and laughed out loud :)

i think i might have something here.

i think i have a sneaking suspicion... but is there any other type of suspicion to have? can i have a skulking one, or perhaps a creeping one? are there less ominous sounding types of suspicions? really i'm trying very hard not to let this (insert appropriate adjective here) suspicion get the best of me. if i voice it does that no longer make it a suspicion? what would it become? i kind of like having a suspicion, of whatever variety it may be. it would be a shame to take away its title of suspicion before i even figured out what type it was...

i will continue to keep it to myself.

serendipitous.

i bought a new car in November, the weekend after Thanksgiving. I named her Sophie. (she was gonna be Sadie until i found out that my boyfriend used to know a girl named Sadie who had a huge crush on him.) two weeks later, some debris on the highway flew up and hit Sophie, nicking the grill and taking a small chunk of paint off the front end of the hood. i went to the shop that my dealer suggested to get an estimate on fixing what my uncle deemed to be a 'scratch' but that i still preferred to call a 'chunk.' they told me it would cost me roughly $400 to fix it. since i am not the idiot girl they apparently assumed me to be, i knew that was not entirely true. so i ignored them. we made it through the winter just fine. when i went to get my oil changed, Ismael and Jose reminded me that the chunk was there and that i should do something about it so it wouldnt start to rust. so i went back to the same place to ask them for a less expensive estimate. the man who looked at it said 'let me see if i have some paint mixed up in that color.' he came back about two minutes later with some touchup paint, took care of the chunk, gave me a little bottle of paint, and i was good to go. i knew it could be done for less than $400.
similarly - my parents bought me a laptop when i went to college. i named her Vanilley. (counterpart to Milley who belongs to my BFITW) last week she decided to stop making noise on friday. not only was all my music on itunes rendered useless, but this was the day right after i had missed my thursday shows which meant that i would not be able to catch up with them online. to make matters worse, i missed my monday shows too. i restarted my computer yesterday. today, the sound is back. this makes no sense to me but hey i'll take it over having to buy a new computer.
Life is Good.

bovine ballroom?

i was blessed to have grown up in a family that loved music. my two sisters and i took piano lessons with our mom, we all played instruments in the band, and it was not uncommon for one or all of us to burst out into random song at any given moment.
i was also blessed to have grown up in a family that taped movies off tv. they were some of my favorites - from the Brave Little Toaster to the sing-a-long musicals. we had Bye Bye Birdie, Singin in the Rain, and Oklahoma. i spent countless hours watching these musicals - wishing i could sing and dance like that, trying to sing without my top lip moving, and working desperately to keep up with the words running along the bottom of the screen. but try as i might, there were just some times that they went way too fast for me and i missed a word or two.
one of those songs that i missed a lot from was in Oklahoma - the one from the box social where the farmer and the cowman should be friends, so apparently the cowboys danced with the farmers' daughters and the farmers dance with the rancher's cows. it always seemed to me that the farmer's were getting gipped in this friendship if they gave up their daughters and all they got in return were cows to dance with. how would you even dance with a cow? they just dont seem like they would be very light on their feet.
i had an epiphany (and/or a moment of clear hearing) last night in the Elizabethtown High School auditorium, watching their performance of Oklahoma with my aunt and cousin - the farmers were dancing with the ranchers' gals. that makes SO much more sense!!
i love musicals :)

i love march.

Top Ten things i love about the month of March - in (pretty much) reverse chronological order.

- sometimes Easter (cuz i like rabbits. and jellybeans.)
- MY BIRTHDAY
- Spring!
- Lissa's wedding!
          (ok so it doesnt happen EVERY march but its still uber exciting)
- St. Patricks Day
          (aka 'wear green day' of spirit week at Forest Hills Elementary School)
- Abi's Birthday
          (its kind of interesting that its also the ides of march...)
- Girl Scout Cookies.
            (i am a firm believer that ThinMints are to be eaten by the sleeve)
- Reese's peanut butter eggs.
- Julie's Birthday!!!!
- Shamrock Shakes!!!

you will note that March Madness is not on my list. i couldn't care less about basketball. although there was that one year (tenth grade i do believe) that i correctly guessed that Syracuse would win it all. their uniforms were orange. what can i say i am my mothers child :)