obligatory end-of-the-year post.

so here it is: the last day of 2008.
i think tradition is to search back through the myriad of thoughts that you accumulate throughout an entire year and kind of find one thought or idea that unifies and sums up the whole year, something that is at first glance kind of a "yeah duh" statement, but upon further inspection is found to be rather deep and have profound meaning relative to the specific events in your year.
either that, or tradition is to just recap all the things that you have done in the past year and leave any interpretation or any sort of moral that could be derived from said events open to the readers imagination.
either way, i think i am sorely lacking at the moment in both profound thoughts or the motivation to think all the way back to january. and im pretty sure you dont want to hear all the stories about my last semester in fancy house, my first car, my second summer with penndot, my family's cross country move, or the first semester of my senior year. if you really want to relive my 2008, the archive is right over there on the left. read away.
its been a busy year. there have been a lot of changes, and there are a lot of big choices left ahead of me to look forward to next year. i've had a lot of challenging experiences, a lot of time to think, and even more times where i wished i could just stop thinking altogether.
today is an end, yes, but its also a beginning. a whole new year is just a few hours away. maybe ill wake up tomorrow and feel completely different, but most likely it will feel like just another thursday. another day in which i think about buying books for next semester, decide to start job searching... tomorrow, and end up playing mariokart with my brother. there will be frustrations, and joys, and challenges, and triumphs. its still a little scary, but hey - i thought the same thing about this year and look at me now -

still in one piece and maybe only a little worse for the wear.
i laughed, i cried, i survived another year :)
and just in case you were really hoping for that little piece of profundity, (is that even a word?) here it is:
God is Good.

its NEVER like this here.

this is looking out our back window up the road into town. you're probably thinking 'what road? what town?' exactly. what i didnt get a picture of were the piles of snow eight feet tall in the middle of mainstreet. whats funny is that you can still see all the dirt in our yard. just keep in mind, its not normally like this.

Christmas in Why-ohm-ing :)

we decorated our tree. we did not get it from 'up on the mountain.' it has twice as many branches as the ones from 'up on the mountain.' i think its pretty. we have significantly less ornaments this year than in years past, so we added lots of snowflakes when we put the angel on top. :)

it comes complete with an angel choir above the stable, the skiing penguin, and even some of our family that cant be here for christmas, on display front and center :)

you should have come home for christmas, then you could have helped decorate the tree :)

only FOUR more sleeps! :)

keeping busy.

although it is very cold and brown here, people have managed to find various ways to keep themselves entertained. Watching tv in the big room wrapped in a blanket in front of the pellett stove is my own personal favorite, but some like to be a lil more active than that.
Staci has been filling her time by filling the role of my personal assistant, keeping close tabs on my personal life, keeping me updated on the minute by minute changes in Nathans whereabouts (in a lovely singsong voice), and insisting that i meet Chad (who i should marry cause then we could be sisters and i'm cool so i would be a good sister to have and if we had kids they'd be taller than me cause he's tall and i'm short so they'd be medium size so it would be PERFECT). its like some sort of Bachelorette show gone western :) the guys seem to be less than impressed with me. they keep their distance. i'm a nice girl, really i am. i promise.

absolute.

i would have blogged this yesterday, but i was absolutely exhausted by the time i would have had a chance. i got up at 345 pittsburgh time, got on a plane at 615 (pgh time again), took off around 7, and got off the plane 2 hours later around 8 minnesota time. three and a half hours later i got back on another plane at 1130, and took another 2 hour flight to billings montana, getting off the plane around 1230 wyoming time. there were hugs all around and a pinto horse (remind me to post the pic its actually made out of pinto beans) and then the shopping commenced. we shopped cuz it doesnt make sense not to if your goin to town, and then headed home around 7. i went to bed around 930 wyoming time cuz my eyes werent staying open anymore, and if you add up all those crazy numbers i was awake and moving for about 20 hours. totally worth it. its good to be home :)

for the money. and/or is the loneliest number.

peas in a pod.

strikes: out or turkey.

Fantastic. Horsemen. Connect.

o'clock shadow.

a half dozen of the other.

Minutes in Heaven.

In the corner pocket.

Love Potion and/or On Cloud...

Lords a Leaping, Little Indians, take your pick.

11 days and counting...

not sure why this is underlined, but I FLY HOME FOR CHRISTMAS IN 11 DAYS!!!


dont get me wrong, i was excited about Thanksgiving, and seeing all my sisters and grandparents and as many cousins as i could, and i thoroughly enjoyed all four Thanksgivings i had this year (of the Canadian, Genevan, Grandma, and Compound varieties) but nothing compares with how excited i am for this semester to end and to get on a plane and fly to Montana then drive to Why-ohming and see my Mom and Dad and Brother and all the people i've heard a lot about but have yet to actually meet :) it should be a good time. i want to snuggle with my dog, and sleep in my own bed, go snowboarding at least once, and revel in the fact that i have a family that loves me So much. if i can survive through wednesday, it should be relatively smooth sailing from there til the end :)

(and just in case you thought i might have forgot to document this last, this will in fact be my last fall semester!)

things you should know about me.

i am short. i love my family. i am constantly getting older. it scares me that everyone else is getting older too. i want to be an engineer when i grow up. i love sunshine. i think snow is beautiful. my car's name is Gretchen. i love. my favorite number is 26. i love a good movie. dancing in the rain is wonderful fun. i am a die hard Pittsburgh fan. yes, that includes the Pirates. i did not enjoy the newest Bond movie. i have brothers who are not related to me. they are some of my favorite people in the world. warm drinks are best enjoyed in an oversized mug. my family replaced me with a dog. i keep my toenails painted bright colors. i am alive today because my Jesus loves me. my taste in music has been described as schizophrenic. i prefer to call it eclectic. ultimate frisbee with friends is the perfect way to spend a sunday afternoon. playing soccer makes me feel alive. i wish i understood football better. i like to yell. laughing is my favorite. smiling is a close second. i feel most comfortable when i'm barefoot. new hoodies are delightful. i love office supplies. and calculators. and cameras. i look like i'm twelve. sometimes i feel like i'm still thirteen. i hope my children are beautiful. i love my family. i think everyone should see the movie Bolt. i am a trekkie. my best friend is a cheerleader. i listen to country music. i giggle at inappropriate times. i dance when no one is looking. the best things in life are free. i sing alone in my car at the top of my lungs. i am a fan of my new phone. i wish i had more time to read. i cut my own bangs. i am sentimental. i cry. a keychange makes any song so much better. chocolate makes the world go 'round. i would be lost without my friends. i could go on and on and on. you make me smile :)

i promised.

i told you there would be pictures. this hat is pretty sweet. no i will not bend the brim. or size it so it really fits my head. it is much more fun this way. honest.
my solo was pretty sweet. multiple people told me so. it only took me eight years to finally convince the director that i was good enough for one. it was worth it. i tried to find it on youtube so you could all enjoy it, but apparantly i'm not quite that special. but i will keep you posted. once the world gets a glimpse of this, they'll be dying for more :)

first of the lasts.

it kind of snuck up on me, this whole ending of one season of life and transitioning into something new and exciting... i mean i know i'm a senior in college and all and everything is going to change after graduation, but but all of a sudden i am faced with the first of the lasts and i realize that the future is getting here quicker than i thot.
i didnt realize it right away, but Tuesday was the last practice on the Rugby field (yay for not having to hike up that hill ever again!). Today was my last marching band practice ever. Tomorrow will be my last football game. I will play my solo at halftime, be recognized as a senior, play the fight song one last time, and recieve the horrendous alumni hat. (there will be pictures) Next week will be the last band banquet ever. and i know just how ridiculous it seems and how much of a nerd i am, but band has been a really big part of my life, and the end of this season is a really big deal. the first of the many lasts that will make up this year for me. and while it might be a little bittersweet, i can keep the memories, knowing that the passing of this season makes room for the beginning of another, and who knows how much fun awaits in the series of firsts that promise to follow and fill the spaces left by these lasts?

that time of year.

you know when the end is in sight, but still so far away? when all your work seems to be stacking up around you, threatening to topple over and suffocate you at any moment? when you're on edge and jumpy because your jus a lil too stressed out? when you start overthinking every little detail of your day and every conversation you have? when all you want to do is curl up in your bed, cry, and hope that everything will just go away?

...thats where i am. but the sun is out, and my God is good, so there is hope for the rest of the week.

snow.

is it allowed to be winter yet? i kind of thought that winter was something that was kept in a box and only let out at certain times of the year - more often in places like Wyoming and Colorado, a little less often in places like Western PA, and hardly ever in Florida and California (although my freshman from CA assures me that he HAS seen snow before, and is in fact a better snowboarder than me, which is not so much of an accomplishment since i've never tried it before so i figure that pretty much anyone is better than me) so it seems to me that snow in Western PA on the 29 of October does not bode well for the aforementioned Wyomings and Colorados...

Legacy

Since i'm a senior in college now and everything, i have been doing a lot of thinking lately about the future. planning trips to job fairs, trying to come up with some sort of a plan for the next year or so that involves more than what meal plan i need, or how many credits i can carry without imploding, and generally just freaking out a little bit every other week or so. I've come up with a couple different plans:
1) just dropping out right now and becoming a wandering gypsy who doesnt have to worry about a 'real job,' effectively avoiding the need to become a real person.
2) figure out what my dream job is, work like a crazy person to acheive it, ignore all my own personal needs, have no social life, but have the company car (it works for everyone on tv).
3) take next summer off, spend the next fall semester in a raise-your-own support internship with eMi, then move on in January to the good job that i have lined up and waiting for me.

ok, so maybe the third one is really the only one ive seriously considered as being a good plan. the thing is, i want to make a difference. whatever it is that my future holds for me, i want it to be somehow remembered. and preferably in a good way, a thought process which rather quickly moves me from thinking about my future to reminiscing about my past. what have i done with my life up to this point? has it been anything worth mentioning? have i at least made a significant difference in one person's life? and if i have and if i continue to be a memorable part of people's lives, do i want to know when it happens or just live in my own little world where i believe that everything does indeed work out for good and that one day my path will cross with someone elses and be significantly changed for the good, and if and when that day does come, will they know it? what if i remember them forever and they have no clue who i am? wow thats kind of a depressing thought. this is why i shouldnt blog late at night. all my emotions run rampant and unchecked and i end up saying things and thinking things that i regret and then i go to bed frustrated or sad and then i wake up in a funk...

but getting back to the point, and the song that kind of prompted this whole thing: 'I want to leave a legacy, how will they remember me? Did i choose to love? did i point to You enough to make a mark on things? i want to leave an offering - a child of mercy and grace who blessed Your Name unapologetically... and leave that kind of legacy'

its a kind of legacy that is much more than acrylic paint on a white block wall...

and all in all, it doesnt really matter where my future takes me, how many roads i have to go down, how many turns there are, detours are more than welcome, i'm along for the ride.

'Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred... just want to hear instead, “Well Done” good and faithful one…' Nicole Nordeman- Legacy

compulsion.

i feel like i havent posted in a while. its been over a week. i need to post something.
life has kept going on. i have done some fun things. fall break was AMAZING fun, and i managed to get myself to and from NYC with little to no incident. on friday we went to a corn maze. it was cold, but it really felt like fall. good fun with good friends. i wish i had a pic to post, but my camera doesn't do so good after dark, so all the pics are on someone elses camera.
last night the football team lost again. no real surprise there. there was a glimmer of hope for about five minutes right around half time, but then any little shred of hope that we may have been hanging onto was rather unceremoniously stripped away from us. the highlight of the night was an impromtu snow boarding lesson on the sidewalk after the game and the really good apple cider from bfcat.
thats really all i have to say. i'll do better next time.

3 days and counting...

Fall Break is coming and i could not be more excited or more ready to have a few days in a row in which i dont have to worry about the chemical componants of my water or the microconstituents of 1% carbon steel or the best way to model a water system for a small subdivision in Chicago.
for a while i wasnt sure what this break would mean for me - with my family all over the place i didnt know if i would get a chance to see any of them. i had a lot of offers of places to go, and i even contemplated going on a backpacking and rock climbing trip in WV. (i think i was getting a lil jealous of all my mom's great wilderness adventures)
but good news! since stasi and micah are home from Slovakia for a while, and my Dad had a wedding to do back home home, AND i have a car(!) i now have a great plan for break: after dad's plane gets in on thurs, i'm meeting him and stasi and micah for dinner, and then stasi is spending the night at school and after my class on friday morning we're loadin up with Gretchen and heading to NY for the weekend to see Abi Jimmy and (most importantly) Claire!!! it may seem a lil convoluted, but i honestly couldnt think of anything that i'd rather spend my break doing :)

although i must admit, i look right at home on that rock climbing wall...

blast from the past.

or: Everything I Needed to Know i Learned in Elementary School

i finally got my ears pierced about a year ago. (i started putting pierced ears on my Christmas list in fourth grade) i have spent this past year slowly and methodically increasing the amount of earrings in my collection, keeping them in a little box labeled "Fine Jewelery." a couple days ago i knocked this box off the edge of my dresser, sending earrings flying all over the place, flying out of my closet and scattering as far as the living room. unfortunately, since my closet does not have a door on it, there is a completely useless track across the front of it where the door should go, which was an extremely convenient place for my earrings to fall.
the situation seemed hopeless, until i remembered the good old days where my biggest worry was which game i was going to play with my friends after school. fortunately for me, on the list of favorites (along with 'dont break the ice' and 'cooties') was Operation.















i always knew there was a reason to try so hard to get that horribly impossible Writers Cramp... who would have guessed that my mad Operation skillz would have ever come in so darn handy?

ps. was there a theme song for operation? cuz the only one thats in my head is "POP goes Perfection!"

coming soon.

i have a really good post in the works... but i need the picture uploader to not hate me... thats all i have for now.... check back in a day or so.

inspired by Miss Brenda.

(... Miss Brenda! Miss Brenda Brenda Brenda Brenda Brenda...)

but i digress.

i got ready this morning extra early for church today, so i have time to post this. all i wanted to do was find my shoes. and considering the fact that im such a slob, i figured this wouldn't be too much of a problem - i have shoes all over the apartment.

and if my picture uploader didnt hate me, i would show you pictures of:

the black sandals that julie borrowed yesterday, sitting behind her desk (which is right beside mine)
my good tennis shoes and two pairs of sandals (brown and green) sitting beside my desk.
the yellow sandals i wore to walk down to the band festival last night sitting by the table directly behind our desks, and my band shoes on the bench of the table right above the sandals.
a pair of julie's shoes in the bottom of my closet, with two other pairs of my shoes. (and a couple hoodies)
my 8th grade school shoes in front of the mirror behind my desk.
the grungy tennis shoes i wore to play softball last week (with the socks too) sitting by the balcony door.
my closet shoe organizer. still full of shoes.
AND the brown shoes i was looking for, hiding under the couch :)

Rhys has more shoes than i do. i dont feel so bad.


(...where's my penny shaker?!...)

keeping up the illusion...

you know how sometimes you take a shortcut to make something easier, but still need to make it seem like you actually spent a lot of time doing it... or you put on a happy face to mask the pain you feel on the inside (whether its a physical hurt or an emotional one) smiling and laughing with friends when you have a splitting headache, or when you're feeling your heart break over and over again day after day...
i've been running into this a lot lately it seems. from the grill marks on the steak in the salad that they serve in Alex's, to the eggshell i found in my eggs this morning (which i am pretty sure are a powdered just-add-water mix) to the way that i'm dealing with my own problems. its all just an illusion. and sometimes you get so good at faking it that you can almost convince yourself that the illusion is real - that they take time to grill the steak for the salads, that they use real eggs for saturday morning breakfasts, or that it really doesn't hurt all that bad.


almost.

chaps who did taps...

aren't tapping anymore... they're doin choreography.
what i would like to know is why they insist on doing it over and over through my head... honestly could i have a worse song stuck in my head? i mean cmon theres a reason we fast forward through it EVERY time we watch the movie. its just that bad.
of all the songs i know, and even all the good songs from this movie, why does this one have to be the one in my head. why not sisters? a much more entertaining song, especially when sung by men in drag... or even gee i wish i was back in the army, or the best things happen while you're dancing, or blessings, or snow, or ANY OTHER SONG... nope, its choreography.

...but seriously, i've always wanted one of those fans.

old faithful.

this is my family. in Wyoming. i got to see them today. well, most of them... (if alex would have stood up i could have seen all of him instead of just his rear end) they were watching old faithful... and thanks to this pretty neat webcam thing, i got to see it too. in case you are like me and have never seen it before, it looks something like this:
its pretty big. im sure it is much more impressive in person, with all the water and the noise and the oohs and aahhs from all the other touristy spectators... i imagine it would be kind of a rush. i'll get there someday. im puttin it on my bucket list.

...when all your dreams come true...

on Friday, i drove into Pittsburgh all by myself. and by all by myself i mean that Julie and myself dressed up like the big kids that we apparently are and went to see Wicked at the Benedum. we drove in the rain. we walked with our umbrellas through the streets of da Burgh from the parking garage where we left Gretchen. we did not drink any alcohol, but took note of its availability at theater productions for future reference when attempting to convince boys to go with us.
Wicked was AMAZING. there really are no words to describe it. my camera batteries were dead. there are no pictures.
sometimes i wish my life was a musical. 'because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true... well, isnt it?' and i'm pretty sure that if everyone around me spontaneously broke out into choreographed song and dance that would be very much happy...

time management.

if i am going to keep up with my promise to myself to not do work on sundays, then i am going to have to start doin a lot more work on fridays and saturdays...

i am teaching my freshmen about time management today. it seems a little ironic.

perspective.

i am very small.

the world is very big.

beyond that, the galaxy is huge... and the universe? well it just boggles my mind.

millions of light years of known universe. trillions of miles in a light year. that makes millions of trillions of miles of space that is full of stars and galaxies and planets and amazingness... and thats just the part we know. we're constantly finding more... there's who knows how much more out there...

that means that my God, the creator of it all, is absolutely ginormous.

but get this - He knows my name. He loves me SO much that this great big God became really really little like me (ok maybe a foot or so taller) and He put up with the same issues that i do, and He really does care about the things that bother me. and even the littlest of things that bug me. He really cares when He listens, He knows my struggles, and He is willing to wrap His great big arms around me to pick me up and comfort me when my little world that i live in becomes overwhelming.

it is amazing to me that in a whole great big universe full of constellations and supernovas and other way cool stuff that seems to just say "hey cool, look what i can do"... God made me. He has a plan for me. that somehow my existance on this ittybitty planet we call home will be more than just a miniscule blip or a quickly passing vapor... that my life would make a difference. to someone. somewhere. somehow.


How can I keep from singing praises to the God who has picked me up time and time again, and whose astronomical grace is seen everywhere, in my life and even at the center of galaxies that are millions of trillions of miles away...

follow-up thought. or a colon in every sentence.

something new in my life: i suddenly have an overflow of limited political thoughts.

all of these politicians, no matter who they are, what party they're representing, or what their beliefs are, they all promise the same thing: hope and change. and it makes sense: its what everybody wants. but the speaker in church yesterday made a good point: they can't really deliver on that promise.

There is only person who can truly deliver on either of those promises: and thats God. He has the power to save, transform, and use even the worst of sinners: and that kind of power is the reason i chose Him to be in charge of my life.

ok my brain hurts: i cant do this political thing anymore.

politically incorrect.

true story: i went to a political rally yesterday. yea, i was rubbin elbows with those crazy people who stand outside the venue for hours in the hot sun, completely convinced that their way of thinking is absolutely right, and positively certain that their favorite candidate is without a doubt the only qualified person to be the next president of the United States.

mostly i just kept my mouth shut and tried to glean as much information as i could, without letting anyone know that i really had no idea what was goin on. you know how it goes, better to keep your mouth shut and be considered an extremely politically ignorant person, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. en boca cerrada no entran moscas.

so i sat. through the hours of heat and fear of someone stealing the seat i was trying to save. through some of the worst public speakers i have ever heard. through the performance of a girl singing to prerecorded music and backed up by two guitarists whose guitars werent even plugged in. through lynn swann attempting to be political through spors references. through 40 mins of listening to tom ridge ramble on and on as a time filler. the best thing i saw was jon rich (from big and rich) singin a couple songs. and the stuff he said in between songs was probably more convincing than any of the other speakers combined.

then John McCain made his grand entrance. and then he talked. for a grand total of 5 minutes. and all he did was introduce the girl who's gonna be his vice president. and then she gave the same speech she gave the night before. (it was all new to me.) and then we left.

and after all that, i still have no idea whether i want pennsylvania to turn red or blue...

tears on my pillow.

i probably miss you a lot right now.

anesthesia.

my phone rang yesterday, and the number came up as Unavailable. if my sister's calls didn't come up this same way, i would stop answering these calls altogether.

"Hello, Anesthesia?"

No, this is Amanda.

"I speak to Anesthesia?"

No, i'm sorry you must have the wrong number.

"Ok, i try to talk to Anesthesia later."

Goodbye.
.

and on the next to last first day she posted...

sorry mom for not posting as often as i should.

this past week has been full, to say the least. five full days of band camp ran straight into freshman orientation week which ran us all non stop (and almost into the ground) right into the first day of classes. my brain has been full of various schedules, lots of random and relatively pointless information, and more names than anyone should be required to learn all at once. (50 new freshmen engineers!!!) all in all, i think it would be safe to call it a successful week :)
now the fun starts. senior year. i dont look like a senior. i dont feel like a senior. and after hearing Doc tell us what all we have to do for our senior design projects, i dont know that i even want to be a senior anymore. i think i would prefer it if it would just be over... but hey, i'm not in this alone and i know that i can do this. i just think that i might need to remind myself that i am in fact capable of at least surviving til graduation.

speaking of family...

home, love, family.

i have been doing a lot of moving lately.
a couple of weeks ago an entire summers worth of packing finally loaded itself into a truck and headed across the country to Wyoming. (ok so maybe it had a lot of help getting from the house into the truck...)
around that same time, all the essentials of my college life loaded themselves into my car and moved into a friend's house a couple streets away. it took a couple trips because Gretchen and her petite figure were unable to handle the exhorbitant amount of junk that i have accumulated in 21 years, but it all made it and found its way into my new room in my home away from home.
with the help of a friend with a truck a few weeks later my stuff moved once again. to college this time. for the last time. its weird to think about being a senior, to never again have to struggle up the steps on move in day, to only have to pay my bill one more time :) no doubt i will blog more about these thoughts that flirt dangerously with the fine line between exciting and absolutely terrifying.
people at school ask me where i'm from. i don't really know what to tell them. i've spent the majority of my recent life in Mars, but thats not where my family is. was Pumbaa right in saying that home is where your rump rests? i dont consider Geneva to be my home, but that's where i currently reside. its never been a hard question before now. all of a sudden introductions require a lot more thought. and people don't quite know how to react when i pull a piece of paper out of my pocket to copy my home address and phone number onto registration forms.

is it possible to miss a place that you've never been?

before you all jump right in your cars to come and rescue me from my misery, i just want to reassure you that i really am having a great time, meeting new people and hangin out with old friends, and gearing up to have some serious fun with my senior year :) but visitors and mail are ALWAYS welcome ...

monday thursday.

i overslept by an hour this morning, and after driving through the rain was a half an hour late to work. i did not have my coffee. the guys could not get the widener put together right. the asphalt trucks were on time for once but had to sit around waiting. a bus broke down in the live lane. one of the trucks ran into a power line. it threatened to rain. it rained. it hailed. the asphalt trucks were never on time again.
it was a good day. :)

also, since my mom doesnt have internet yet (hopefully today!) i pose the question: did the re-engineering of sticks of butter just happen while the fam was in the process of moving out west, and did it happen universally, or is that just how western butter is? she might have to buy a western butter dish.

25 words or less.

my day:
i stood on a street corner for 10 hours.
people honked at me.
i made about a hundred dollars.

mustang secks hair.

haha i love the title of this post. it makes me giggle every time i look at it, just cuz it reminds me of some of my great friends and the fun we have together.

i rode in a mustang this weekend. it was loud, and fast, and pretty sweet. libby took shotgun so i was relegated to the backseat, but that was ok since she's a good friend and we switched after we left the car parts store. silly Brandon the cashier didnt know if pep boys had exhaust pipe or not. and even after i put up with his flirting, he didnt give me even a little discount...

Gretchen sounds like a real car again :) its a good thing her muffler had a hole in it the size of my fist, cuz that helped Phil find out that my brake lines were leaky. neither Gretchen nor myself are dead today thank you Jesus, and people are offering me to help pay for the repairs. i do not know what possesses people to offer so much help when it comes to my car, but i really do appreciate it.

Life is Good.

revision.

as i was in the shower after my run (yay me!) i realized that i did an awful job with that last post. specifically, i never really explained the title which, of course made sense in my head which means that it most likely doesnt make any sense to anyone on the outside of my head. the thought behind it went something like this: its like the thoughts in my head are like a small child who is being forced into doing something that they dont want to do, like go to school or to the dentist's and they have their hands and feet braced against the door frame, or if a door frame is not readily available they could resort to flailing of their arms and legs, resisting with all their might regardless of their resources, and screaming at the top of their lungs (even tho any good bando knows that you actually get more power from the bottom of your lungs) there is a Calvin and Hobbes strip that shows this very scene, and regardless of whether or not you have ever seen it i'm sure your imagination is good enough to now maybe have a better idea of where my brain was going with that last post. sorry for the confusion. thats how life is sometimes.

kicking and screaming.

i have such great aspirations for this blog. when i'm not sitting in front of my computer my mind is full of fun things to write about that will let people know what's up with me, and that yes, i am alright... and then i sit down to actually get these thoughts out of my head, and they resist, kicking and screaming, refusing to come out. i wish there was something i could do to convince them otherwise, cuz they are good thoughts that i would love to share with all of you. perhaps i'll try sweet talk mixed with the promise of ice cream and chick flicks... thats what solves all my other problems anyway, that or a wet washcloth. :)
(i'm guessing it would have to be a warm one to work in this case... but only mamma's know that kind of information)

brainstorming.

i feel the need to update today, but i'm not entirely sure what i should say. perhaps something about the family's recent foray to maryland, and then maybe mention how i proceeded to make it to Mahaffey (and home again!) completely wrecklessly :) but sadly without a milkshake or the annual picture.
maybe today would be a good day to talk about my family's upcoming move, you know, express how i'm really feeling about the whole thing... or maybe delve even deeper into the depths of my emotional wreckage and pull out some gems like my relational issues or my fear of commitment mixed with my great desire to be loved and my fear of being alone and in one swift, fluid, almost imperceptible move tie it all back to the fact that my dad never took me fishing when i was a little girl...
*sniffle*
ok now i'm just getting ridiculous, but hey thats just how brainstorming goes sometimes. thats what Mrs Salpino taught me after all... i knew it would come in handy someday...
sorry i couldnt come up with anything to say. i'll try again another day.

home alone.

not only did i have to come home from vacation in maryland to go to work of all places, but now on top of that i am bored. i have had the house (mostly) to myself for three days, and can not seem to find the joy or excitement in it that i think i should. i mean come on, Macaulay Culkin took over the house and went on crazy adventures and caught bad guys and all kinds of fun stuff... ok maybe i could do without the bad guys trying to break into my house, but i could sure use a little bit of fun in my life.
perhaps i will break the boredom by doing nothing much productive, talkin to my best friend (hey julie thats you!), and goin to a car show. that should be good for tonight :)

ps in case u were wondering, i have only had the house mostly to myself because i have to share it with my whiner-butt dog...

customer service?

i went to McDonalds today. the cashier made me feel dumb. which is ironic, cuz mostly she was just really bad at her job. i no longer work in food service, or even customer service, but if there is one thing i learned its that its not a good idea to make ur customers feel uncomfortable. one easy way to accomplish this is to simply greet them as they step up to the counter.

An acceptable customer service exchange:
Cashier: Hi, can i help you?
Customer: Yeah thanks, i would like...


What i got today:
Cashier: *blank stare*
Me: umm, uhh, duh... <-- honestly, i usually have a better response than that.

I really dont do well with stupid people.

dear baby brother.

yes, you DID eat my cookies. don't try to lie to me.

Reasons i know you're lying:
1. I did not eat them.
2. Dad can't eat them.
3. Mom promised she wouldn't eat them. (and i trust her)
4. you left the trash in the pantry.

better luck next time.

i am going to start smoking

it really can only be beneficial. i mean think about it. people who smoke
at work take smoke breaks. people at penndot smoke a LOT. and the only
break they count is a half hour for lunch. BUT if they're smoking a pack a
day at work (thats 20 cigarettes... i had to ask someone that) and it
takes about 5 or 6 minutes to smoke one, thats like 2 hours of time. so
why are they allowed to get paid for smoking? why am i missing out on this
bonus? so i figure if i start smoking a pack a day not only will i fit in
better at work (woot woot peer pressure) but i will also no longer be
constantly looking for something to fill my hours rather than just sit
around doing nothing. OR if theyre going to continue to be paid for the
time they smoke, i might start demanding to be paid for at least an extra
hour every day since i spend all my time working and they use time to
smoke, i figure if i save up all my hypothetical smoking time til the end
of the day thats at least an hour (ill cut it down some cuz i figure i
couldnt smoke a whole pack in 8 hrs even if i wanted to) who cares if my
lungs turn black and fall out? im getting cheated out of my paid smoking
time and i demand to start getting reimbursed for it!

(and the response i got from my best friend...)

I WANT TO SMOKE TOO
i have often wondered why people our age ever started smoking when they
knew how AWFUL it was for you at least older people have an excuse and
now with your lovely argument i am understanding just why you would
think it was a good idea maybe we could start by saying we only smoke
when we drink and then turn it into a 2-3 pack a day habit i have money
to waste and two good lungs i mean why would i need two fully
functioning ones i think half of each will be utterly sufficient ;)

(she SO gets me..)

at work

im stuck in the office again today. right now i am out of things to do but there's a meeting going on so i'm pretending that im struggling with the little bit of paperwork they gave me to keep me busy until the meeting is over and i have something else to do. this is how the meeting is going:

Carl: so what are you doing on the 4th of July?
Contractor: eatin' hot dogs.

duh. :)

faux-hawks and side ponys

we are SO doing our hair like this for work tomorrow :)

i found third grade!

there you have it, rescued from a box of stuff that was about to be incinerated: third grade. complete with not only a report card (all A's) but with photographic evidence as well.
you have no idea how big of a deal this is. this is on the order of the best thing since sliced bread kind of a big deal. this is an entire year of my childhood which should have been filled with many fun times and happy memories but was for some reason completely vacant in my mind. somehow in the shuffle of years and millions of memories, all of third grade had disappeared in not only my mind but in the minds of all of my family and any kind of physical form as well. but no longer!
i am proud to present: Miss Simmon's third grade (95-96)

(my apologies to all persons who will most likely be mocked for the existence and public display of this particular picture)












things i did remember about third grade: 1. it was the year my baby brother was born. 2. i did not have Ms Hudson. 3. it was the year Brads mom was killed. 4. he got moved to Ms Hudson's class.

things i have remembered about third grade since finding this picture:
1. most of the names of the kids in my class (some with last names).
2. i was in speech class that year with two of the boys cuz i had a lisp.
3. i absolutely loved that red outfit with the farm animals on it.

things i still have no memory of: Miss Simmons.

grammer lessun.

I am working with PennDOT again this summer. inevitably, this means that i am meeting new and interesting people. this year, instead of being out on a big highway, i am working on a bridge project and a stretch of road that runs through West Kittanning. this means that in addition to building a new bridge and road, i am also constantly dealing with people and business owners who are upset at the roadwork that is taking place. Saturday was especially bad. I had one man come up to me who was just looking for someone at whom he could whine about the flaggers and how inefficient traffic control was running at that particular moment. he said to me (and i quote as best as i can remember) "that one flagger was just so indignant. i am surprised he can even feed himself."
whoah. hold up. i think we have a bigger issue at hand here than an upset flagger. lets check out these definitions:

in·dig·nant [in-dig-nuh nt] (adjective)
feeling, characterized by, or expressing strong displeasure at something considered unjust, offensive, insulting, or base

ig·no·rant [ig-ner-uh nt] (adjective)
lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned: an ignorant man.

it is very believable that the flagger was indeed being indignant. they were having a bad day. however, that would have no effect on his ability to feed himself. i think this particular complainer was in fact more ignorant than the "indignant" flagger he was complaining about. i'm surprised he could even feed himself.

sadly.

my car makes funny noises :(

i dont really want to talk about it.

all the high points.

Top Ten Things I Should Have Blogged in the Past Two Weeks...

1. Junior Year is OVER!!! (and i'm pretty sure i might have passed all my classes!)
2. My Dad accepted a call from a church... in Wyoming. My family is moving there around the end of July. They will send me a picture of my room, and i will sleep in it over Christmas break.
3. We are selling our house. This means it has to constantly be "presentable." This is proving to be more difficult than it may sound.
4. I found these in my drawers when i was cleaning my room. Mom claims they are going to come back in style. I'm not so sure I believe her, but they are still in my drawer, just in case.
5. I bought a car! It's a black '96 Chevy Cavalier. It kind of looks like a boy's car, and the driver's side door doesn't always close so good. It has character : )
6. I found out that my new car leaks gas. It has a hole rusted high in the tank.
7. I started my job at PennDOT for the summer. There is a job right down the road in Cranberry. I got assigned to a bridge job in West Kittaning. I get to drive an hour to work every day. I'm actually pretty excited.
8. Today has been declared "Drive someone else's car to work today" Day. I drove Mom's car to Indiana, Mom took Dad's car to the hospital, and Dad drove my car to the lake house.
9. The guys at the place where i bought my car said they would put a new gas tank in my car : )
10. Stasi and Micah raised all their support, and they are leaving the country on June 5th!!! YAY!!

All in all. in all. in all in all... Life is Good.

only a dream?

yesterday was reading day... the day which the college gives to us students in between the end of classes and the beginning of finals week to gather our thoughts from the semester and start studying. but who does that? we decided that our reading day would be much better spent playing at Buttermilk falls, napping, eating pizza, watching movies, and criticizing the contestants on American Idol and Dancing with the Stars.
So, after this extremely mentally taxing day i was obviously exhausted so i went to bed a little early and fell straight to sleep. so you can imagine that i was sufficiently confused when i was talking to someone on my phone (i dont remember it ringing or me picking it up), and all of a sudden at one in the morning i was talking to my dad and handing over the keys to my moms car to the blurry shapes on my porch that i assumed through my squinty sleepy eyes to be my parents. Upon further reflection this morning, i was confused as to whether i had actually hugged and talked to my parents on my front porch or if it had all been a very strange dream. But, considering the fact that the keys arent in my purse and the car is no longer parked on the street, i'm really hoping that it wasnt a dream. cuz otherwise, some random person has my moms car and im responsible cuz i gave them the keys... good thing i forgot to give them the credit card...

mind blowing.

have you ever had one of those days where something small and seemingly insignificant just completely blows your mind? that happened to me this week...it was an electrical outlet. For the past year, my housemates and I have been juggling the crazy amount of electronic devices in our bathroom around what we thought to be the only outlet in the room. poor little guy just couldnt handle it all the time, especially when two people were doing their hair at the same time AND wanting to listen to music (thank you laptops, for pickin up the slack on those ones)
but then... a discovery! hiding behind the towels on the other side of the counter... this guy! this has completely revolutionized our bathroom routine. the days of laptop music and outlet shuffling may well be at an end... just in time for finals week :)

inconsiderate people.

this is a rant against inconsiderate people.
i do not pretend to be right all the time, and im not gonna lie and say im always considerate of other people. but seriously, there are just some things that are over the top ridiculously inconsiderate. kind of like backing out on a commitment for no good reason, or taking someones clean, wet laundry out of the washing machine and putting it on top. cuz it would be SO much extra effort to put it in a dryer. pisses me off. makes me want to throw things. at people.
it would probably be in your best interest to just never touch my laundry. i tend to get a lil worked up over it.

mini-meltdown.

this is where a boyfriend would come in handy. a good-looking, guitar playing, car saavy (sp?) boyfriend with a nice smile who with not much more than a big hug could make it all seem not quite so big and scary.

<-- all he needs is the guitar...

paying attention.

its overrated.

i pay attention in all my classes, i take notes, and i sometimes even learn things. there are people in my classes who do not even have notebooks, show up on occasion, and learn nothing. this shouldnt bother me, its their life whatever... but then it hits me: they're still gonna pass. somehow, they will pass, and graduate, and probably manage to get just as good of a job if not better than me. and i paid attention. how unfair is that?
...and then there are the days when i decide that my time is better spent designing t-shirts anyway.

totalled.

inanimate objects keep beating me up.
that test on saturday not only made my head feel like it was in a vice, but also made my shoulders so tense that they still hurt a lil bit today.
last night i had a soccer game. i got in a little bit of a fight with the cement block wall, and then it proceeded to smack me over the head. so then my head hurt, and i spent the rest of the evening limping around Walmart cuz my knees were sore.
today i heard that my car got totalled. ok, so its not really my car at the moment its my sisters, but it was going to be mine until the other stupid car had to go and scrunch up the front of it. thats right, the car did it, there wasnt even any drivers involved.
Dear coalition of inanimate objects: (haha that could be the CIA) PLEASE stop picking on me. if i have done anything to insult your mother or in any other way anger you, i am sorry. Love Always, AmiDawn

freedom!

i have never seen the movie Braveheart. it seems like it would be some sort of a classic: one of those movies that everyone has seen, one that people would quote all the time, one that i should see sometime. my guess is that it is pretty up there on the list of "movies everyone should have seen before they get to college" ...probably right up there with Titanic and Fight Club. (first seen freshman and sophomore years respectively)
the only reason that the lack of this particular movie from my vast repertoire is perplexing me at the moment is 1. that i really do not want to study for my bible test right now and 2. i totally missed out on a really good reference to it this weekend. it seemed like it would be a lot of fun to come out of the FE exam yesterday and have a "braveheart moment" as Melissa described it, where we just threw our hands in the air and screamed "FREEDOM!" i just had absolutely no frame of reference for it. but of course in an effort to dispel any doubts about how cool i really am and to keep from reacting with a blank stare i just kind of laughed and said 'yeah definately' and let her believe that i knew exactly what she was talking about. shes not an idiot. i think she knows. i think ill have to rent Braveheart this weekend to save face.

i also have yet to see Transformers, and i do not like ham. (again...sorry to disappoint you Timmy)

my phone

things i did with my phone this weekend: threw it away.

some people just lose their phones, or maybe even get really mad and smash it against a wall, or i have even seen phones ripped in half and thrown across a field. All of these things seem pretty silly, but i think i might be the first person i know of to have thrown away their phone. i wasnt even mad at it or anything. its been treating me pretty well lately (except for that big texting bill last month... oops) and how do i repay it? i leave it on my tray at lunch and send it back the conveyor belt to the dish room. and then i dont even realize its missing until dinner time, at which point i am already heading out the door for dinner with friends at not the dining hall. my poor phone spent an entire day in the dining hall... i can just imagine it sitting there, all lonely and forlorn, wondering when or if i would ever realize it was missing and come pick it up...

...and suddenly i have a much greater appreciation for my phone and its feelings...

cleaning out the eaves...

in my head, that is set to music. oh wait, thats 'bringing in the sheaves'... close but no cigar.

my family is moving. its pretty close to being official. that means we still dont have a date or a place to move, but we're getting closer. this weekend, (along with being my birthday today and easter tomorrow) also marks another historic and monumental landmark in Havener history: the eaves are empty. to an outsider this may not seem like a big deal, but to anyone closely connected, who has seen the eaves or even just heard stories about the eaves, this is huge. it is amazing some of the things we thought were important enough to store for the past 9 years, and really fun to find old treasures that we had forgotten, and things we didnt even know we had... like this:this is one in a set of three: i also have a Yield right of way sign, and a big red Exit sign... apparantly they came with the house, and mom said i could keep them!! **crazy excited smiling face**

Life is Good.

please just take a good look at the kid on that sign and try and tell me thats not the slowest looking child youve ever seen. makes me smile every time :)

maladjusted

that may or may not actually be the word i am looking for, but it seems to fit.

i dont think that my body likes America. i have felt sick and nasty ever since coming back from Costa Rica. it is cold here (i saw snowflakes today) and the food is awful. its actually kind of impressive that after only 10 days of Peruvian (aka really good) food my body has just rejected the twenty previous years in which ive trained it to stomach pretty much anything i feed it from stale peeps and massive amounts of chocolate to cold pizza and root beer. how on earth can i be a successful college student if my stomach has all of a sudden become a picky eater?

also, its pretty intense to try and get my schedule back. suddenly it is so much harder to do my devos every day and spend time talking to God. and when i do take time to just be quiet, my brain gets flooded with all kinds of serious thoughts and i go into overload mode where i break down and cry. and then i feel like a dumb whiny girl who cant handle her own life which is not the truth i am strong and i have God on my side and he loves me and really all in all life is good.

'cause really, how can you not just be in awe of the Creator of something this beautiful?

really random.

Have you ever seen your heart-beat in your stomach? its pretty wierd. intriguing to be sure, but mostly wierd.
apparently i spell wierd incorrectly cause theres a little red squiggly line under it every time i write it.
ooh! Tetris. each of the shapes in that game is made up of four blocks. the prefix Tetra- means four. why did i never pick up on this before i was told at lunch today?

ok, thats enough rambling when i should be working on that ten page paper that was apparently due yesterday. oops.

Bittersweet...emphasis on the sa-weet!

Today is spring break. By that i do not mean that it is the first official day of spring break, i mean that it is ALL of spring break. My one day of true relaxation and time to chillax. and you know what? I do not regret that one bit. I would not trade my 10 days in Costa Rica for anything...

Three Words: A. Maze. Ing.

That mostly sums it up, but in case you worry about me a little more than that, i'll give a quick update on what went down.
We spent most all of our time working very closely with the C&MA church in Horquetas.
Sunday was our first real day at the church. We attended the morning service, and spent the afternoon swimming in the river and hanging out with the youth group.
Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday were all work days. Our group of ten girls, with the help of Rodrigo and Joaquin. was doing the very beginning work on the new church building (as in they got the plans from the architect the day we got there). We cleared a lot of brush, took down a couple old barbed wire fences, but mostly we were playing in the dirt. Digging ditches and leveling the ground. The first day we dug a ditch in the morning, then in the afternoon found out it was in the wrong place! So we ended up filling that one in and finishing a total of two and a half of the four ditches that will be the beginning of the foundation. (there was concrete where we were supposed to dig the last ditch and a half, so we couldnt do that)
Tuesday morning was English class where we were conversation partners with the students. Some of them were from the church, and others were not, so this is a great outreach tool that the church has. In the afternoon we trekked to the nearby village of Montero (across a river in a basket) to do an afternoon of VBS with the kids there. That was probably my favorite time - seeing how many kids showed up, playing soccer with them (yeah, my mad skillz probably got complimented by a CostaRican) laughing together, and even meeting their most basic needs like water to drink. It was such a powerful time.
Thursday night came a challenge: one of our hotel rooms was broken into and robbed, and one girl's passport was taken. Luckily, we had come back early from dinner that night, the manager was still there, and people were still awake in the States so the girls could call home, and everything got taken care of. It was really neat to see how that even in the midst of such a crazy trial for us, God was there too helping us.
Friday we left bright and early to spend some time in the Caribbean. (which is absolutely gorgeous) It was a lot of driving, but a nice relaxing treat after spending so much time in the ditches.
Saturday was packed full, because it was our last full day at the church and they wanted to make sure we got as much in as we could. We visited a butterfly garden, spent time in people's homes for lunch, went ziplining through the rainforest canopy(it bit me), had a movie night with the youth, AND went out to dinner.
Sunday was church again, and then goodbyes as we headed to San Jose for an evening with the missionaries before our early Monday flight.

There are so many stories i could tell, but maybe i'll save them for another day when you're not already so tired of reading my ramblings. Just know that we all made it back to the states; happy, healthy, knowing that we have been encouraged and changed, and really hoping that we brought some of that sunshine back with us.

Jumping and Leaping...

Happy Leap Day!

Today is the last day of February (duh). That means tomorrow is March, which means Julie's birthday is coming, which means Michelle's birthday is coming, which means MY birthday is coming, which means Easter (i like easter) which means God's not dead ...NO He is ALIVE :)
but before any of that, March means i am leaving the country. Flying out of Pittsburgh at 730 tomorrow morning on my way to Houston for a little bit before ending up in Costa Rica for ten days!!! I am real excited about the sunshine and getting a tan (something that would be impossible in the current snow-stormy Beaver Falls) But above all that, i am most excited to see what God has in store for our team. We are a group of girls who do not know one another very well, but are all called and willing to serve, and I know that God can and will use each of our unique gifts together in a way that is going to be spectacular.

If you think of it, please be praying for us, that we would bond well and be open to be used in the way that will bring the most glory to our Savior. Also, just for general safety and health and all that good stuff. I'm not gonna lie I'm a little nervous about this trip and do not really know why, but am trusting my life in the big, strong, capable hands of my Jesus - my Savior and my God. Lord willing I'll be back on the 10th... with stories and pictures and lots of love for all. Until then, dont let leap day end today, but press on daily; walking and leaping and praising God!